


Wake me up, and take me home

by revletos



Series: The painful bitch named recovery [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: All tagged Relationships are guaranteed, Angst, Any other characters are free for all, Artificial Intelligence Nanami Chiaki, Bittersweet, Canon-Type Body Mutilation, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Dangan Ronpa Spoilers, Do comatose characters count as characters?, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Free Time Events (Dangan Ronpa), Freeform, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healthy People are required for Healthy Relationships, Insomnia, Like really slow, Literary References & Allusions, Long, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Neo World Program (Dangan Ronpa), Nightmares, Not Dr3 compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Phobias, Post-Canon, Post-Neo World Program (Dangan Ronpa), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Primarily DR3 but also DG:AE and DR0, Recovery, References to Other Dangan Ronpa Works, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Super Dangan Ronpa 2 Spoilers, Surgery, Swearing, Tags May Change, Tea, Technology, The Biggest Most Awful Most Tragic Event in Human History (Dangan Ronpa), Trauma, Trauma - Freeform, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Work In Progress, i had to shorten that last tag in 10 tries oof, ie based on how this fic goes souda could be with Tanaka Sonia Mioda others poly or alone idk yet., no beta we die like men, physical recovery, simping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:41:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29688285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revletos/pseuds/revletos
Summary: If only recovery was as easy as waking up.After the events in the NWP, Hinata and the survivors awaken upon Jabberwock, alone in the Pacific, with nothing but the talents they possess, the trauma they wield, and the scars they got. Now it’s up to them, the colourful array of young adults to make the island a home, recover their memories, heal the opened wounds, and make peace with themselves, others and the world. It’s harder than it sounds.Post Canon SDR2 fic with my own take on the healing process, and the difficulty of one day suddenly waking up to find yourself as a fucked up adult, when you were nothing more than a teenager, a child the day before. Trigger warnings at notes at the beginning of each chapter, please stay safe!
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Koizumi Mahiru/Saionji Hiyoko, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko/Pekoyama Peko, Nidai Nekomaru/Owari Akane
Series: The painful bitch named recovery [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2181720
Comments: 41
Kudos: 95





	1. Memories are like computer files, they let us process what we’ve seen

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for joining me on this journey as I attempt my first longfic. Strap in, get comfy and watch me try to balance projecting on characters and keeping them in-character.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a dark room, somewhere in an island hidden deep in the Pacific Ocean, a boy awakens and remembers who he is.

He was the first to awaken.

For a moment, he was awake, but not, his eyes still closed, what felt like a cheap plastic film over them, a dim copper tint covering his vision. It took a second for it to clear. Opening his eyes was harder than it has ever been, as if they were glued shut. When he finally got the open, the room he was in slowly swam into his vision, and little by little, he could piece together where he was. It took a moment, as if he hadn’t done it in a while.

_(He probably hasn’t. He knew that he knew a lot, but what exactly, he couldn't remember.)_

He was laying down, in a dark room, filled with dimly lit monitors that cast a green-ish blue hue throughout the room, illuminating the face that was looking at him. A undoubtedly friendly, yet somewhat nervous face that lit up a kaleidoscope of emotions when his awakening was noticed.

“Hey! There’s a lot going on but you’re alright and stuff…but.. uh, sorry, would it be alright if I asked you for your name?”

His… name?

What… was his name? Who was he again?

It took a moment, like a computer booting up, the wires reconnecting before he could answer the friendly stranger, who sat by him, fidgeting slightly (a nervous habit, he noted), but otherwise waited patiently. Ah, that’s right. His name, it’s…

“Hi...nata… Hinata Hajime…”

His voice felt crunchy. Talking in general felt crunchy. But he forced the words out, they felt important to say. And yet, all the same, Hinata spoke slowly, almost like a student who was hesitant to answer in class, afraid to give the teacher the wrong answer in front of everyone and get called out for it. Nevertheless, it seemed to have been like the right answer as the stranger relaxed significantly, nervousness evaporated immediately as he turned to the two who were with him, and expressed his joy to them, “See, I told you they’d be fine!”

His companions, a female with long lavender hair, and a tall blond man looked over from the other side of the room. The woman only gave a small smile, unnoticeable unless you were paying attention, whereas the man scoffed and muttered under his breath. Hinata, still waking up, only made out something along the lines of “too optimistic for his own good”. He couldn’t see him where he lay, but he already knew that whoever that was must be fun at parties.

The stranger turned back to him, and fidgeted slightly before continuing, “So... I don’t know how much you remember, but I’m Naegi Makoto, and…”

Naegi Makoto.

He remembered him now, as he zoned out from Naegi’s ramble of an explanation, his brain starting to fill in the blanks for him. Naegi was a member of… the Future Foundation. He had helped them out from the Neo World Program… and… they were successful. They must’ve been, he was still here.

He was still Hinata Hajime. Not quite, but Hinata had survived. He was recovered from the depths of his mind. He… was here. He was actually here, alive. He had made the right decision, despite all odds, he was here. That was something not even he could have predicted. But that was something Hinata didn’t want to think about, not for a bit at least. His friends should be coming out too, and if Hinata could awaken from Davy Jones' Locker, then their comatose classmates could too.

He sat up, immediately feeling a rush of weakness and dizziness. A rush of nausea overtook him, as his muscles protested and staggered. His head felt heavy, not just because of having woken from a (hijacked) therapy induced coma, but also for the weight of his hair, that he forgot he had. That was coming off immediately. As soon as possible. Naegi, who had not noticed that Hinata zoned out during his ramble of a recounting, now definitely noticed Hinata’s… shaky attempt at sitting up, and caring as he always is, reacted immediately, “Woah, woah. Hey, take it easy. You guys were down in there for quite a bit, and your bodies are—“

“I’m fine. Really.” Hinata’s voice rough, hoarse and slightly cracking from misuse cut through Naegi. He felt a bit rude, particularly since Naegi had been so kind, but he did feel better, the feeling passing after a long moment. He knew that it shouldn’t have, but it did. Why was that again. Upon seeing the expression quickly flicker to doubt and concern then back nervousness on Naegi’s face his mouth opened, and words came out. his voice tensed slightly, the explanation, for once flowed automatically from his mouth. “I’m actually fine. The researchers changed this- my body to make it superhuman.” The last word dripped off his tongue in disdain. Naegi flinched. Hinata didn’t blame him. That (he couldn’t remember it just yet), sounded terrifying. His existence as a whole was terrifying. “Just, please, get me a glass of water. And the largest, sharpest pair of scissors you can find.”

The latter request had all 3 Future Foundation’s agents eyes on him. Naegi, two eyebrows up in confusion, the lavender haired woman simply raised an eyebrow, her inquisitive eyes taking him in, searching for his motive. The blond man’s eyebrows pulled down, his face a sneer. Well, his face was already in the sneering spectrum, but it took on at least 50 sneering points then and there.

Hinata had just consciously noticed Naegi’s companions, and took the silence as an opportunity to take them in. Like Naegi, they seemed extremely familiar, like he could almost put his finger on it, almost say the names that were on the tip of his tongue, but his brain was disconnected, a step behind in remembering. Considering the circumstances that he knew of, he knew there was a lot more to remember. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to remember.

But that was the deal.

Remember and accept the past, but nit to lament on it. Use it as the foundation to build their future. Take responsibility for what they’ve done, but forgive themselves, since they were nothing more than **h̴͕͎͉͔̝̃͜͠ê̷̪͋ŗ̵̛͍̺̼̣̈́̈͗̀͜** puppets. ,

“Apologies,” the woman spoke first, breaking the tense silence from where she sat behind the computer across from Naegi and Hinata. “We neglected to bring one, it didn’t come across our minds at the time. I’m sure you could understand, given the circumstances?”.

Her voice was soft, not quiet but not loud either, but Hinata managed to pick it up no problem. To most people, this proclamation would’ve been read as cold, given her matter of fact tone and wording. But Hinata grasped it as it’s intentional message, A sincere apology, a logical explanation. Well thought out. It seemed to fit her.

“Besides,” the man beside her cut in, “Do you seriously believe us to be that dumb, as to bring sharp objects to an island of deranged terrorists?”

His tone was sharp, bordering on hostile, the question, however was rhetorical, but the woman beside him answered him with a pointed look that clearly stated she thought he was dumb one for asking such a ridiculous question in such a ridiculous manner. Hinata’s reaction must have been one of exasperated annoyance. A picture may paint a thousand words, but Hinata’s face painted only five, those being “ _Are you fucking kidding me?_ ”. He was blunt, but even he had tact. Most of the time. Or so he’d like to think, given most of his life was still in the dark.

_(He really didn’t. Definitely not as Kamukura, and rarely as the Hinata before he signed his life away to human experimentation.)_

However, Naegi (being the saint that he is), was the one to actually verbally address his words. “Togami-kun, don’t say that. I’m sure he had his reasons for asking. Kirigiri-san, if you don’t mind, could you grab some water bottles from the helicopter for Hinata-san and his friends? I’m really sorry I forgot when we came in.” His tone was sheepish, almost as if he was embarrassed about the fact that he forgot to grab water bottles, hilarious given the fact that he basically sprinted in to help the remnants in the NWP the second the ship was docked. Hinata caught the briefest of smiles on Kirigiri’s face when Naegi spoke before she nodded and turned to leave the room.

Hinata, meanwhile filed the names away in his head. They fit like pieces in a puzzle, and he could see a bit more of the picture.

_(He thought he heard a quiet rumbling noise in the background, but it was unimportant at the time. There are more pressing things to deal with, to think about, at the moment.)_

With her gone, that left the men alone. Togami gave a long distrusting stare in Hinata’s direction, that Hinata met in equal parts annoyance, before turning back to his(?) computer. Hinata noted that Togami respected, or at least trusted Naegi, given the sharpness of his words and the accusations that it flung in Hinata’s direction.

_(Hinata was 93.75% sure that Togami respected Naegi, if you count gut feeling, but his data was very limited (and gut feelings are considered scientifically unreliable), so until then, he wasn’t going to form any conclusions.)_

“So… how are you feeling?”

Hinata turned to Naegi, and raised an eyebrow.

Naegi blinked.

Hinata sighed, either Naegi was very simple, or he was tripping over his own feet in a simple conversation. Already. Nice going Hinata.

“You mean like, emotionally, physically, psychologically, or…?”

Naegi paused a second from sheer surprise at the question. Whatever he was expecting, this wasn’t it. “Well, any or all, I guess? I just meant in general, like a conversation starter, or something? If you want to share that’s cool, and if you don’t that’s cool too. I mean I’m not exactly a doctor or anything like you, but I can listen to you, my friends tell me I’m good at these things. Sorry, I guess it was a loaded question, huh? And your throat must hurt… maybe chatting wasn’t the best idea.”

Hinata let out a chuckle in response, dry, but lively nonetheless. Turned out he wasn’t the only one who didn’t know what he was doing. “No, no, you’re a very caring person. It’s admirable really. I… don’t really know how I feel, I’m still processing everything, but I guess I’m glad to be back? I’m happy we made this decision. I’m also sore and numb and hungry, but I’d say that’s to be expected”, he paused and decided to address the elephant in the room. “You’re rambling, and you’re fidgeting, Naegi. I can tell you’re nervous, so if it helps to hear, thanks. I’d also say you have nothing to fear, but just saying that wouldn’t really be helpful.” His throat tinged from dryness, and his voice hoarse as before, cracked every few words, but he spoke them regardless.

They were important to say.

Naegi let out a short laugh in turn. “I almost forgot how blunt you could be Hinata-san, but thank you. Kirigiri-san should be back any second now.”

As if on cue, the door opened, and in came Kirigiri, with a plain black simple leather bag slung around one shoulder, filled with bottled water, and if Hinata had to guess from the shape of it, other essentials, such as food and blankets. She left the bag neatly by the door, and strode over to the two of them, bottle of water in hand. The bottle was handed to Hinata, and she stood by, just in case anything else was needed. She was a person of high kindness and consideration, but one of performing tiny actions and showing subtleties that often got missed in the blunt logic she wielded.

In the background, next to Togami, the computer let out a beep. It was loud, jarring compared to the most quiet atmosphere that had grown in the room. The three foundation members exchanged looks, and Hinata could guess what was going on, but needed to hear it, just so it would feel real. It needed to be real. Kirigiri was the one to break the silence between the four of them that followed the beep.

“Someone else is about to wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for sticking with me until the end, idk how long it’ll take for updates to come out but I’ll try to update at least 2 times a month. Depending on my life stuffs and mental health and the shazaam. Since my previously dead Ao3 account blew up, I just wanted to say that I also draw and stuff, and it’s p cool, I’m @revletos on insta (and tumblr and twitter but im mostly active on insta.) If you do, I have cookies 🍪. Anyways remember yall are loved, by me and many others and hope yall have a wonderful day. - Whale
> 
> Writing Notes:
> 
> Name Avoidance - I didn’t want to refer to any characters by name in narration until Hinata consciously relearned their names. 
> 
> Davy Jones’ Locker - I wanted a metaphor for the depths of the sea, and stumbled across this phrase, which according to Wikipedia is “a metaphor for the bottom of the sea: the state of death among drowned sailors and shipwrecks. It is used as a euphemism for drowning or shipwrecks in which the sailors' and ships' remains are consigned to the depths of the ocean.” which fit PERFECTLY with the vibe I was going for. (Hours later, in the process of posting this, I learned that Davey Jones is a character in the pirates of the Caribbean (a media that somehow eluded me in my childhood), so I guess you do learn something new everyday. 
> 
> Honorific use - Afaik Naegi is one of the characters who generally refers to guys as -kun and girls as -san. I broke the pattern with Hinata, just to make it more polite, formal and respectful, given that the two aren’t exactly close. (Not yet at least.)


	2. Waking up to ash and dust, the vermillion bird of flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning is wiser than the evening, and what is a coma but a long rest?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for this chapter:  
> \- depiction of eating disorder  
> \- depiction of (canon-type) body mutilation  
> \- panic attack  
> \- potentially ooc Souda???

Hinata pressed his arms against his pod, and shook as he tried to get up. Naegi immediately tried to stop him, his arms gently pressing down, as if to guide him back into the pod. Hinata just looked at him. It was one of those kinds of looks. One of the _“Are you kidding me”_ kind.

Honestly Hinata could probably just patent that look.

“Let me up.”

Naegi stilled, hesitant. “Hinata-san, I don’t think that’s a goo—“ he was interrupted by Kirigiri, who stepped forward, and in one swift motion, helped Hinata up, letting him use her shoulders to help support his weight. He gives her a smile, tired and somewhat broken, but a genuine one. Naegi took a half step back, to give them space. He didn’t try to stop Kirigiri, as he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Kirigiri, observant as always , noticed the change in emotion.

“Hinata-san would’ve gotten up regardless of our thoughts. He’s stubborn. It’s better to support him than to oppose him, otherwise we’ll only be increasing the risk of injury with no gain. Besides…” she paused, and a small knowing smile appeared on her face. “It would be hypocritical of you to stop him, Naegi-san.”

Naegi furrowed his brows for another second, before a look of realisation bloomed on his face. He laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Ah, I guess you do have a point, Kirigiri-san.”

The sound of a throat being cleared echoed from the other side of the room.  
“If you three idiots are done wasting time, then let’s focus on business and not whatever nonsense you have going on there.”

Naegi hurried over to Togami to check on the computer which pod was the one holding the remnant that just awoke, before heading over, making sure to grab a bottle of water first.

Hinata muttered a “rude fuckwad” under his breath, before he realised he was in close proximity with someone who (voluntarily, despite it being near to a metaphorical suicidal plan. Maybe literal. He wasn’t in the mood or headspace to go over the philosophy behind it) came to their rescue and had probably heard him insult their colleague.

Well, here’s to continuing to fucking up.

Way to fucking go, Hinata. All those talents and still a dumbass.

To his surprise, Kirigiri laughed under her breath. “I wouldn’t exactly use such language, but yes. Togami-san isn’t the most tolerable. He’s somewhat less of a baby than when we met him. He did care enough to come, even if he did complain quite a bit.” Her voice was soft, not a whisper, but had roughly the same volume. She sounded humoured, in Kirigiri standards.

Hinata was just relieved that she sounded amused.

The two of them followed Naegi to the pod he was at.

Hinata hobbled over, tripping a few times over the hair that pooled slightly at his feet, muttering expletives the whole way. Kirigiri was somehow moving gracefully as she always did, despite all the commotion directly beside her. She helped him maneuver his way around and prevented him from falling and cracking his head wide open. Hinata’s body may now be superhuman, but he doubted his reflexes would be any good when he could barely stand on his own.

_(Hinata was very grateful that the pod was only two over. He was also glad that the only people to witness his disgrace were limited to someone who already seemed disgusted by him (and thus probably didn’t care), someone who didn’t have a single mean bone in his body, and someone who seemed to not care that much, and even if she did, would be too polite to say much about it. At least he retained some dignity.)_

Once he was seated in a chair by the pod (brought by Naegi once he saw them heading over, which Hinata was grateful for), Kirigiri stepped away, seemingly to grab something.

She returned a moment later with a few hair ties. “While we can’t have your hair cut right now, I could fix it up for you so it would impact you less.” Hinata nodded, grateful. He wanted it gone now, but logically he knew he wasn’t in a position to complain. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself and nodded, grateful. “Thanks, Kirigiri. I’d appreciate that.”

She nodded, and got to work, running her hands through his hair as an improvised substitution for a comb.

A groan came from below Hinata and then he finally focused on the pod slightly under him.

Just as he expected, there lay…

 _Kazuichi Souda_ , his brain supplied after a moment. _Super High School Level Mechanic of class 77-B._

It was as if his brain was slowly downloading the information. Hinata felt moderately uncomfortable. Somehow it felt stalkerish. It was definitely at least a bit creepy how he had the information stored like in a database.

He looked him over.

He was in his signature jumpsuit, albeit the jumpsuit was very dirty and tattered. There were splashes of oil, blood, and dirt encrusted deep in it. Koizumi would’ve had a heart attack if she saw this. Hinata wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of it either. He doubted that it’s salvageable in that state. Washing it wouldn’t do shit. At this state it would be tossing it or burning it. But given their circumstances, the smart decision would be to salvage parts of it for rags for cleaning.

The sleeves seemed to have been ripped clean off, showing his arms, covered in various tattoos.

_(It must’ve been done by one of the remnants. No sane person would willingly be caught near them. It definitely wasn’t Souda, the ink was much too neat, too clean to be his work. He also doubted Kamukura. He didn’t know much about him and certainly didn’t remember anything, but based on what he did know, it didn’t seem like it. Hinata would wager it was ...Mioda? He wasn’t sure, the names still new, still fresh, not yet connected to a face. But it sounded right, so he’d go with it for now. )_

Souda’s hair was really messy, and if the slight shine was anything to go by, really greasy. Hinata made a mental note to force Souda to wash it when he’d physically recover. He had his beanie on, though with how loosely it was put on, it might as well not be on his head. A pair of googles sat on his forehead as well. Hinata found himself surprised that Souda had safety goggles while in despair. No offence, but he wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box.

Souda stirred again, groaned a bit louder.

A minute later he blinked his eyes open, and looked around. Or as much as he could, given he was laying down. Souda made no attempts to get up, the weakness strong in his body.

“Hey! How are you doing?”

Naegi spoke first, much more confident and optimistic now that he saw Hinata wake up, (rather than Kamukura). Hinata noted he was still decidedly nervous, given the fidgeting he could see from the corner of his eye, in his peripheral.

Naegi really was something else.

“Hey… H… Hinata… Soul bro, is… is that you?”

Souda’s voice was scratchy, like his, and much quieter than his normal volume, a hint of weakness and tiredness behind it. As unpleasant of a sound it is to hear, it was one of the best things Hinata heard since waking up. He surged forward, hugging Souda despite his filth, despite that the suit he wore was fairly pristine, save from a few wrinkles here and there.

Lucky for him, Kirigiri had just finished with his hair, and the braid she made came with him, swinging from the movement.

They stayed there for a moment, before Hinata let go, and helped Souda sit up. Hinata’s cheeks were wet with tears, but his smile lit up his face.

“Dude… you... look weird.”

Hinata rolled his eyes. “Hello to you too, man. Welcome back.You’re the first.”

* * *

Another beep rang out. Almost immediately, Hinata got up. Souda, on instinct, followed him.

Or tried to.

While Hinata had gotten up and wobbled somewhat until Kirigiri helped him again, Souda immediately fell, his legs buckling and giving out immediately. Naegi rushed over, to help him into a more comfortable position on the floor. Given their circumstances, it wouldn’t be easy to get Souda back in the pod.

Hinata sighed. Souda was impatient. Right. “Just hang tight. Once everyone’s awake we’ll figure out what we’re going to do.” Souda grumbled, which ended up causing a small coughing fit. With that he relented. “ A’ight man. I trust you.”

Naegi passed Souda a bottle of water, and ran off to grab something.

Hinata and Kirigiri also left Souda’s pod, heading off to where the next awoken person lay. It was a pod further than the last trip, but much less painful.

Again, he knew who lay there before they even got there, and with a look at his sleeping friend, his brain resurfaced the information.

_Sonia Nevermind. Super High School Princess of class 77-B._

She was regal, laying there, her hands folded together at her waist. She looked clean in comparison, as if she had put on a fresh set of clothes before she went into the pod. It was a possibility, all things considered.

Her hair flowed behind her, golden and perfect. Unlike his, her hair wasn’t a mess, and it looked good on her. He’d overall could easily compare her to the fairy tale of the princess from 15th Century Germany.

It took a moment, but slowly her eyes opened too. Another moment as she sat up with Hinata’s help, before she spoke. “Ah… Hinata-san? We… did it, right?”

He nodded, smiling. There was no need for words, his face spoke for him, the low light of the room shining off of his drying tears. She cheered, pulling him in for a hug.

_(Hinata was glad that Souda wasn’t able to see him from where he sat. He could also hear the faint sound of Souda shoveling food into his mouth, the meal a distraction enough to not notice what was going on a few pods over. Hinata counted his blessings. The moment was so happy so perfect, he wanted to have it a little longer before they resumed living.)_

Naegi came by shortly after, thermoses in hand. He handed one to each, silently, smiling. Kirigiri, who had left Hinata once he arrived at the pod, followed Naegi in tow, giving Sonia her bottle of water, as well as the both of them utensils. Sonia bowed her head and politely thanked them both, and Hinata took his with a brief thanks too.

The thermoses were opened, revealing to contain okayu, and Hinata could not be more grateful. The two said a quick word of thanks and ate in a comfortable silence.

* * *

Another beep.

It rang a minute and 47 seconds after Hinata finished his meal. He got up, still staggering slightly. The pod that opened up next seemed to be the furthest from them in the circle, at the opposite end.

Time to get up again.

Kirigiri helped him again, and Hinata could see he was struggling to walk less and less. He still needed support, but he leaned less weight the more he walked, his legs were a bit less like lead with every step he took, and every step he took was firmer, stronger.

They walked back the way they came from, passing Souda on the way. He gave a thumbs up, engaged in a game of cards with Naegi, who also gave a friendly wave. Hinata just hoped he wouldn’t end up coming to him to whine after losing, seeing as he was playing against the former SHSL Luck.

Eventually, they arrived at their destination, the pod equal distance from Hinata’s as Souda’s, just in the opposite direction.

He looked at the pod, not needing to know who it is, just to see his friend again.

_Owari Akane. Super High School Level Gymnas of class 77-B._

However the way she looked shocked him. Her days of despair took a toll on her body. She was bare skin and bones, her clothes slightly too big, swallowing her body where he remembered muscular definition. He felt a small wave of sickness in himself. If he pressed his hand to her side, he had no doubt he’d easily feel her ribs. Without her shirt, he’d easily see them too. Komaeda, as sickly as he looked, looked healthy in comparison to Owari.

It was jarring, the effects despair took on them.

It was even more jarring, to see people who looked like normal high school students before, suddenly look like broken adults. And his memories were mostly void. Everything was new, and everything was an unfortunate surprise.

She groaned, and woke up slowly. Hinata couldn’t blame her. The state of her body was nothing more than a cry for help, it would be more difficult to do anything. He believed in her regardless. He knew Owari. She was strong and headstrong and stubborn.

And Owari pulled through. A few minutes later she was awake, her eyes focusing on the room around her. It took her a moment before she spoke.

“Hey… Haji. We made it.”

It was painful to hear, but not from the cracking and scratching quality all their voices had taken on. (Though Hinata found the more he spoke, the easier it got. His voice was much better than when he first woke up.) It lacked its usual vigor, it’s liveliness. It was as if she just didn’t have the strength inside her to speak, didn’t have the energy to express emotions. It hurt to hear Owari sound so dead. Nevertheless, he gave her a small smile.

“Yea. We did.”

* * *

Then it was all the calm before the storm. The fifth (fourth for Hinata) beep rang out, last for a while, and Hinata, once again with Kirigiri’s assistance, got to the designated pod. Lying in that pod, was their class’ last survivor.

_Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko. Super High School Level Yakuza of class 77-B._

He was wearing a nice suit, like Hinata’s, but unlike Hinata’s it wasn’t an all black one. Hinata made a mental note to get the suit he was wearing off of him as soon as he could. It felt wrong to wear. It looked, and made him look dead. Solid black and white. Blank, plain. Hinata refocused on Kuzuryuu, taking the suit in again. It looked extremely high quality, expensive. He didn’t even want to think, let alone guess how much it cost.

_(If he really wanted to, he could figure out the estimated price in his head. He did not.)_

An eyepatch was on his face, just like in the simulation. The design was eerily similar too, A solid (high quality) black leather with a golden dragon circling in on itself. It was there, but why? The wounds in the virtual world wouldn’t affect the real world. Around the edges of the eyepatch, there were patches of terracotta and raw sienna stains.

Dried blood.

Against his better judgement, Hinata lifted the eyepatch slightly to see what was there. It was strapped tightly to his head, and Hinata silently apologized to Kuzuryuu as he lifted the fabric to look underneath. His blood suddenly turned even colder than before and he had to suppress the urge to scream or throw up from what he saw.

Because on his face, instead of his right eye, was **h̴̖̚͝e̴̪̖̎r̸̹͓̈** eye.

And then, then and there, Kuzuryuu woke up. It took a moment for him to process what was going on. Seeing the horrified look on Hinata’s face, it only took another moment for realisation to dawn on Kuzuryuu’s face.

He screamed, the ugliest noise from just how scratchy his voice was, and probably just as painful for his throat. It was as if screaming was all his throat knew how to do, the sound never ending. He trashed as he tried to claw the foreign eye out. His arms flew in all directions, aiming for his face, but aimless in their path. There was no control, no more Kuzuryuu. It was all fear, disgust and despair. And before Hinata knew it, he moved forward, grabbed Kuzuryuu’s arms and pinned them together, behind Kuzuryuu’s back as he brought his hand to Kuzuryuu’s head and with a quick hit, Kuzuryuu went limp in his arms.

Hinata didn’t realise how heavily he was breathing, but when Kuzuryuu went silent, it was all he could hear. Blood was pounding in his ears. He was scared. But he had to think, he had to stay together. This couldn’t happen again. Knocking out Kuzuryuu once was risky, he couldn’t afford to do it again.

Hinata looked at the foundation members, who at the sound of screaming rushed over, but did not dare to intervene. “We’re going to have to get that eye out. Now.”

His voice was sharp, authoritative. Silence hung heavy, from the ceiling, filling the room, suffocated it in the reality they all had to face. No one dared to speak. Kirigiri ended up being the one to yet again break the silence, as she nodded.

“It’s possible there’s surgical equipment in the hospital on the 3rd island, but I doubt the hospital is in a… usable state. Nor do I think getting there is a reasonable measure. It is a walk away.”

Togami shot her a glare. He clearly wasn’t a huge fan on this whole “surgery business”

“Fuck it, whatever. We’ll make do with what we’ve got. What about anaesthesia, syringes, disinfectant, gloves, masks, bandages and that sort of shit?”

“There may be some medical equipment on the ship. To my knowledge, Future Foundation likes to have it ready in case things go awry.”

Naegi nodded, determined. “Well, Togami-kun and I could go to the ship, and get what we can find there, and you could check the hospital? We can all grab whatever we can find and bring it back here?” Kirigiri nodded, and went off to grab the bag she brought. Naegi gave a wave to the remnants as he too, got up towards the exit of the room. Togami stalked behind him wordlessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter was brought to you by my inability to manage my time and hyper focusing on this, also cryptic chapter summaries. This chapter’s featured a proverb, brownie points if you know where it’s from. Updates won’t be this often, bc I’m hoping to manage my time better and not fail at school, but yea. Anywhoodle, enjoy your day yall, hope your day is as wonderful as yall are :D  
> Whale out
> 
> Naegi’s Hypocrisy - Chapter 6 of THH. You cannot convince me that Naegi was not injured after what happened. He just kept going with all his injuries.
> 
> Princess Allusion - Reference to Sleeping Beauty, the setting believed to be 15th Century Germany. See more info here: 
> 
> Okayu - Japanese congee (rice porridge/gruel). Basic food, often eaten by the elderly or sick (i.e. revovering from cold), since it’s easy to digest. It can be served plain or with protein (i.e.fish, chicken, eggs) and/or vegetables.
> 
> Thanks - Thanks is said before + after meals in Japan, and is considered to be good etiquette. The phrase before eating is 「頂きます」 (“Itadakimasu”), translation to thank you for the meal. 
> 
> Knocking Someone Unconscious - Typically really unadvisable to knock someone out with a head injury. The skull + brain are very fragile and anything strong enough to knock someone unconscious is enough to severely damage or kill the person knocked out. I went with this considering Hinata’s lack of available options + the fact that Kuzuryuu was having a panic attack + the fact that Hinata is ultimate everything and could use luck to ensure minimal damage. (Also don’t knock people unconscious if they have a panic attack, this case was an exception overall since Kuzuryuu was a danger to himself.)


	3. The weight of our skies sinks us into the ground below

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was time to draw outside the box, but be careful, the pencil is heavier that you remember. Baby, you’re nothing more than a sinner with a sea of trauma and the waves are the storm yet to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read end of chapter notes for an announcement!!!
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- More depictions of canon-type body mutilation. (Running theme, kids)  
> \- Surgery (with the bonus of violation of standards and author having little medical knowledge because he stopped taking science in Grade 10.)  
> \- (Vivid) Description of Panic Attacks,  
> \- Souda wearing crocs  
> \- Little Dialogue bc exposition and world building baby

All things considered the surgery went great. It was diy-ed and crossed so many health restrictions that definitely would’ve cost the doctor’s license in the olden days. Good news that it was the post apocalyptic timescape, and Hinata never got his license to begin with.

They were in very unique, difficult circumstances. They had to make do with what little they had.

Between the scavenging of three future foundation members, there were enough medical supplies that Hinata could at least pretend they weren’t creating a doctor’s worst nightmare. Then again, _for the_ _third fucking time_ , this was the goddamn apocalypse. Not everything had to be perfect.

Hinata focused, trying to remember _what in the hot fuck was surgery_. Almost automatically, like a switch was flipped, it rushed back to him. The dam holding the talent in was shattered and the current crashed as it swept through him, the talent suddenly roaring in his veins.

They found a pod, and disinfected it and the surrounding area.

Hinata got Kirigiri to help him, the only person he deemed capable of the task. Hinata had gotten the tools disinfected and laid out, gloves, masks and other safety equipment on, a dosage of anesthesia into Kuzuryuu just for safety measures _(who knew how long that blow to the head would keep him under)_ , and got on with it.

The needle itself made him uneasy, even though he couldn’t remember why. He tore his eyes away and shut them tighter than he had ever before as he instructed Kirigiri how to administer the needle and the dosage behind it. But he could not look, or the ghosts of his forgotten memories would rear their ugly heads at him.

“It’s done, Hinata-san.”

Kirigiri’s voice tore through his thoughts and he focused and refocused on the talent like a mantra until it was all that was in his head and opened his eyes and began the procedure.

He took the eye patch off.

He almost wished he hadn’t. Even glancing at it was like being sucked into a soulless void. The dead organ just… stared back at him. Hungry to suck the life out of him, despite not being part of a body, part of a person _(if they could even call **h̵̥̀͠é̶͍̲r̵̢̯̀̾̀** that)_ for over a whole year now, maybe two, maybe less, he wouldn’t know. His head was muddy and he just needed to get this over with before he drifted and detached himself and fell victim to the anxiety that was starting to increase in pressure and crash mercilessly in the back of his skull.

That was the problem with fear.

It’s a vicious wave, a tsunami that left you helpless, weak to its mercy, no way out. There was no sink or swim, only sinking, deeper and deeper and deeper until you drown and die, victim to your mind. He was already weak, already on the crumbling edge of the cliff above rocky waters from whatever was going on with the needle.

Logically, there was nothing to be scared of.

And he knew that.

Fear does not care for logic, unfortunately for him. It doesn’t discriminate. There was no distinction among the sinners nor the saints, the rich nor the poor, the young nor old. It’s a virus, affecting everyone without a trace of mercy, nor care for circumstance. It just takes. It only takes and it takes and _it takes and it takesandittakesand_

The cliff crumbled and he fell into the sea below.

Pain. Fear. _Despair_.

That’s all there was.

He needed to calm down.

Hinata choked out the breath he found himself holding unconsciously and forced another one in. A gulp of breath. _Just one._

In.

Wait.

Out.

 _Breathe_ , he told himself, and pressed himself to continue the action.

His vision, that he just then noticed was blurred, slowly came back to focus. His hands shook slightly, and the tools he held shook with them. He could see in his peripheral, Naegi, face full of concern, sympathy and pity. Hinata tried to choke out he was fine, but the words were stuck in his throat, his throat dry, even though he had drank just minutes before. He tried to smile but forgot he was wearing a mask, so he ended up sending him a nod, simply decided to hope that it conveyed his emotions.

It seemed effective, as Naegi relaxed, though it could have been the fact that Hinata was shaking far less than moments before.

He had yet to bite the bullet, so he did, and turned back to the offending eyeball.

The colour of the eye was repulsive, and sickening but he bit his tongue before his anxieties flooded back in again, took another breath and got back into it.

The eye itself was easy enough to remove. It was a foreign entity, a parasite. Hinata nearly threw up when it was in his hands, getting the urge to bleach his hands clean, despite not having even made contact with the organ itself.

_(He would probably have to bleach a lot of himself on that train of thought. He didn’t remember how much of him was touched, poisoned by Enoshima, and he did not want to remember. Based on the behaviour of her AI, she must’ve been pretty handsy. Especially if it brought others despair, which of course it would, after all, who would willingly touch that monster?)_

Speaking of rot, the task was far from over. Enoshima’s eye was startlingly intact and fresh, but unfortunately the same could not be said about Kuzuryuu. Along the mishmash of dried blood near his eye socket, there was sickness.

Literal sickness.

Almost as if randomly introducing a foreign entity into one’s body would have side effects. The area was infected. Of course it was. It was dead, but in the sickest way, appeared alive. The swelling, the discharge, the discolouration was nothing more than a parasite. Hinata got back to work, glad that everything he needed somehow was brought to the room before the surgery.

It was… lucky, he supposed.

Somewhere deep in him, that set a pang of hurt to course through him, but he pushed it back. Now was not the time to psychoanalyse himself.

He drained the cavity, and cleaned the area as best he could. Kuzuryuu would have to make do with medications, antibiotics for some time, but he was in a much better place than when he first awoke. It was good they got to him fast and worked through it before the situation deteriorated.

_(They may have to do the same for others, on that note.)_

Hinata took a deep breath. In, pause, and out, like a mantra. He finished up.

After they were done the surgery, Hinata reached back in his head and flipped off the mental switch. Before he knew it, he was out like a light, his internal battery depleted and fell like a ragdoll to the floor.

* * *

Now that they awoke, it was time to get themselves on their feet.

First order of business was getting themselves out of the labroom that was their home for the past… whatever. (It didn’t matter, it was time for a new chapter.) They were surprised to find out that the building they were in was underground, built under the park, hidden by an entrance that was activated by the statue, but honestly, they’ve seen weirder.

The park existed in reality at least. That counted for something, they supposed.

At least the real one had no bomb timer thing.

A no-brainer really, it existed only in the simulation, but paranoia settled in the crevices of the minds, festering every moment they relaxed.

It was still hard, almost impossible to believe that they were here, in reality and alive. This wasn’t a weird hell or purgatory; this world had an essence of reality to it, it was without a doubt real. And somehow, that made them hurt deep within, as if they all subconsciously knew they had no right to exist.

But they got their chance and in the wise words of Sonia Nevermind, _god damn it all to hell_ , they were going to take that chance and live.

It was something, at least.

And maybe they were victims too, and they too deserved a chance to live. Victims of circumstance, that committed horrible war crimes, but victims nonetheless. They were not without guilt nor blame, but a chance was in order.

A chance to atone, a chance to live.

A chance for happiness.

They moved to the hotel, the closest building that made the most logic to move to. There was the restaurant (a kitchen primarily), right above and Rocketpunch, the supermarket (or an elaborate storage building) a short walk away. The main hotel lobby building was in decent shape too, with no mold (compared to some of the other buildings according to the foundation members’ testimonies and Togami’s disgust.)

They had to bathe.

Not the easiest task, given their limited mobility. The hotel lobby had a bathroom, but no shower. Most buildings had no running water and those that did… well they should probably inspect it first. The tropics weren’t exactly known for their water quality.

The water in the hotel lobby was approved for bathing, so they made do with sponge baths. It wasn’t the best and there was a lot of complaining from Souda and Kuzuryuu in particular, but it got everyone cleaned up until they could figure out a more permanent solution.

The foundation members got them some spare clothes, to pick through from a box of various random clothing, donations, or salvaged clothing for the less fortunate.

_(No one said anything, grateful, even as it left a bitter taste in all of the remnants’ mouths to be the ones accepting the act of kindness. They didn’t deserve it, but no one dared to utter a single word.)_

It was a real blessing, granted two of them were dressed in filth and rags, and another two, while clean and proper, wanted nothing more than to rid themselves of their current clothing.

Souda after a moment of two, chose a black tank and cargo shorts. It was odd to see the mechanic in anything that wasn’t his full body (often grease/oil-covered) jumpsuit. Little complaints were issued when he realised the amount of pocket space the shorts had for various knick-knacks and tools. Easy to please. He also got a flannel button up, the article was hurriedly thrown on to hide the visible ink on his arms. Everyone silently eyed the crocs he enthusiastically dug out, the same shade as his bright pink hair. Not surprising, but (at least) mildly disappointing if you still had standards when it came to Souda and fashion.

Most of them did not.

Everyone was equally unsurprised and disappointed when his first course of action was to pathetically try for Sonia’s attention.

Sonia for that matter settled on a simple tye-dyed oversized t-shirt with some weird black logo on it and what looked to be worn down capri jeans. She also managed to find some chunky men’s high tops, that she loved and after much encouragement, kept for the colder nights. It took ages for her to find anything at first, until Hinata gently nudged her, and encouraged her to just get whatever she would like to wear. A strange experience for the princess, who her whole life was expected to maintain a certain, specific look. It took even longer for her to figure out what she liked, before settling for a lazy late 20th century type look, her confidence slightly increasing when her peers all showed their agreement.

Hinata only dreaded the ten page essay length speech he’d have to hear from Souda and his thoughts on the matter later.

Owari had also gotten a huge t-shirt, hers plain, and basketball shorts. Everyone winced seeing her drown in the clothes she picked, looking more like a skeleton than a healthy human. A kid trying on her father’s clothes if it wasn’t for how sad it looked, her lack of body mass. (Souda almost commented, but Kuzuryuu socked him before he could, distracting the air headed mechanic long enough to forget what he was going to say.) Despite the tropical weather, she ended up getting a hoodie too, finding herself freezing at temperatures she didn’t mind in the least before.

Kuzuryuu got a change of clothes, (much at Hinata’s insistence to get something, anything, _please for the love of god_. Hinata did get called the SHSL Mom there and then, the first of _many_ times, but Kuzuryuu ended up with that spare pair of clothes) but he opted to keep wearing his for the meanwhile, as he felt more comfortable in them. Seeing as they were relatively clean, no complaints were issued. His clothes were plain, a t-shirt with some graphic on it and some jeans.

_(Hinata secretly bet in his head how likely Kuzuryuu would burn the clothes and if so how fast it’ll happen. He doubted it, but hey, he needed to find some form of entertainment amidst the chaos for his sanity.)_

Hinata somehow found almost exactly what he wore in the simulation, a white button up tee and a grey, almost black slacks.

_How… lucky._

* * *

Hinata was almost immediately physically functional, but the others were far behind. (Kuzuryuu, despite surgery, refused to say bed bound any longer than _absolutely_ necessary, much to Hinata’s chagrin, but he expected as much too.) The foundation members stay behind to help, but, with their circumstances with the rest of the foundation, their time is strictly limited.

“They know that Naegi-kun has sheltered you, but they are not aware of our whereabouts. I’ve had Alter Ego create a fake mission that we’d go on. A visit and report on the status of Towa, to be exact. We don’t have any agents there aside from Fukawa-san, and Naegi-kun’s sister, Komaru-san, who have agreed to cover for us in case of contact to Towa, which is unlikely. Furthermore, Alter Ego has hacked the tracking signal on the ship, to hide our whereabouts.”

Hinata had nothing to say other than Kirigiri was a walking miracle.

“Regardless, we have been missing for quite some time, given we had to set you all up into the Hope Restoration Program, and waited here while you… underwent that unfortunate programming. Time is not on our side, and we must depart very soon.”

That, and that she was painfully accurate in her observations.

They relearned to walk, or hobble, their muscles remembering what it’s like to move, to function. It took a day or two, but everyone was able to move somewhat with minimal assistance. (Moderate assistance with Owari’s case, her muscles the most affected by atrophy, unfortunately not surprising, given her health).

Their first few nights were dreamless.

A blessing, they were quick to find. With dreams came nightmares and with nightmares came memories and trauma.

But in the meanwhile, it was a blissful rest, a short break from all the exertion they faced, both physical and mental. A few hours everyday where they could just exist, and not suffer for their sins. They did what they could, but saying it was exhausting was an understatement. It was excruciating, but not always painful. Sometimes, the pain was a good kind of pain. The kind of soreness you’d get the day after an intense workout. The kind that meant growth.

A small glimmer of hope.

There were rare moments of victory, when they were able to walk a bit by themselves, when they ate and when they managed to make it up the stairs. It was in those moments, that smiles would light up on their faces, weak, tired and worn-down, but genuine and all the same bright.

They learned to try to count the small victories. It was hard, but it was the first step, an important step nonetheless.

When Hinata first reached the restaurant, a knife was located and found, and the bulk of his hair was chopped off then and there, alone by himself. Another impressive feat, in all honesty.He’d trim it down later, when they’d get a good pair of scissors, but for now, it was something.

_(It was also a bitch in the ass of a pain to clean up, but at the moment it was so so worth it.)_

And then, just like that, it was time. Time was fragile and fleeting, and it was gone in a flash.

The three from the Future Foundation had to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _cocks Chekhov’s gun as I pretend I know what I’m doing_
> 
> A/N: Not much of writing notes, so here’s some songs that inspired the vibe for this chapter, take care of yourselves
> 
> Announcement: Hey guys I’m part of a zine called the Hope Zine, that’s focusing on Komaeda and him having positive relationships with other Danganronpa characters, there’s some kickass art and writing in there. We hit a few bumps in the road, but we’ll be releasing it in about a month, and there’s going to be some bonus content for peeps who help spread the news or smth! Please go follow the account on twitter for more info loves, its @hope_zine, thanks yall <3
> 
> Eye colour: Technically Enoshima’s eyes are red, and considering Enoshima’s canon fate, I didn’t mention colour. So whether or not it was her body, Ikusaba’s or some other copycat is left to the reader’s interpretation. 
> 
> Underground bunker: Canon be damned Park >>>>> Administrative Building, and if DR3 can pull the secret underground base bullshit then so can I. This is my fic and I’m keeping the goddamn park. 
> 
> Songs:  
> Burning Pile - Mother Mother  
> Radioactive - Imagine Dragons  
> Wait for it - Hamilton (Musical)  
> Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons


	4. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to dance, a challenge when you’re bound to crutches. It’s never easy being crippled and alone, so if you hear me, please reach out, please give me a hand to hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> \- Souda bring a goddamn simp  
> \- FTE Spoilers (Mostly Owari’s here, but it does reference Souda’s briefly too.)  
> \- Depictions of Eating Disorder (Pretty direct in part 5, just in case anyone wants to skip just that part)

Despite their weakened states and recovering conditions, all of the remnants unanimously insisted on personally seeing the future foundation members goodbye. 

When the idea first surfaced, Naegi was quick to brush it off. 

“Thanks for the thought you guys, but you don’t have to. I know it must be hard, with everything going on.”

“Bullshit,” the immediate rebuttal came from Hinata, steadfast in his words, and strong in his convictions. It was different from the old Hinata, from the simulation or pre-despair days. Just as stubborn, but much more confident in his words. “You guys have done so much for us, this is the very least we can do.”

“Yeah,” added Kuzuryuu, his tone light, joking, despite his words, as his usual smirk painted his features, “What kind of ungrateful bastards do you take us for?”

It was only there for a brief split second, but even Togami smiled at that comment. 

They decided to depart in the morning, when the sun was just barely over the horizon and the sky was painted a soft pastel peach. The salty ocean breeze swept through them all, where they stood on the port on the beach. The palm trees swayed in the background, as if dancing gracefully. 

The perfect setting for a new beginning, a new chapter in their stories. A chapter to build towards a new future. 

_(Whoever noticed that Owari shivered in her hoodie didn’t say a word, or even show any signs of having taken notice. She had gotten there, and they would support her. She was just as insistent and as stubborn as they all were.)_

Naegi was all smiles and bittersweet happiness, like a parent who was sending their child off to university and crying about how grown up they were. Kirigiri simply gave a fond smile and a short wave, and then with a sharp turn on her heel, she turned and disappeared into the ship. Togami settled on giving a nod, and a brief smile that if anyone who wasn’t paying the closest of attention would miss, before he too disappeared into the ship. Naegi gave everyone a heartfelt hug and a promise to try and send any supplies they need in a week or two, give or take, based on the circumstances. 

They’d keep in touch. 

That much was a promise.

And with that the Future Foundation members were off, and everything began for real. 

* * *

The hotel lobby building was mostly intact, said structure was in the best shape all around and that became their base for the first little bit. 

They had found some dusty old futons in the depths of Rocketpunch (Rocketpunch seemed to have _everything_ if you looked hard enough) and used them. No one really had any complaints. For the most part. Owari and Souda have both grown up in poverty, so it was nothing new there, especially for Owari, who with her many siblings was more than used to sleeping with others. Souda had a few complaints, not for himself but for _Sonia-san_ , and he was quick to spew claims against it.

“A princess shouldn’t have to sleep on such a filthy floor!”

The proclamation came from such force as if it was one of his core beliefs. Sonia, equally as stubborn and not one to be pushed around, refuted him just as quickly and as sharply. 

“Silence, Souda-san! Status be _damned_ , I will sleep wherever I shall please. I am equal to you all in sin and in blame and I will not be treated any better nor any worse than worse than anyone else. Is that understood?”

Souda could only nod mutely, shut up by her sudden (but expected if you were anyone _but_ Souda), outburst. A moment passed before in a complete 180 degrees change of tone Sonia added on. 

“Besides, I’ve always wanted to experience a traditional Japanese slumber party!”

Hinata could feel a headache forming then and there. Based on Kuzuryuu’s groan, he figured that the yakuza was in the same boat. 

Speaking of the yakuza, he had no complaints either. 

As for Hinata, he didn’t give two shits of where he slept, he just wanted sleep. And some peace and quiet. 

In general. 

* * *

They made a list of essentials to worry about, and tackled them.

  * Food
  * Water
  * (Permament) Shelter



They divided up the work. Hinata, equipped with the (more-so Western-ish) SHSL Boy Scout talent, ventured off to go get food. The girls and Kuzuryuu stayed back to clean the lobby, make it a bit more liveable. (Owari had complained over her assigned duty, but given her constitution, she didn’t exactly have much choice.) Souda was quick to complain about how Sonia shouldn’t have to clean but he was just as quickly distracted with a broken air-con, and a pile of parts that Hinata, someone who had pretty much fully recovered and thus was able to traverse islands via the bridges that were eventually set up a few years before the tragedy, scavenged from the real world version of Electric Ave.

Sonia shot him a thankful glance. 

Hinata chuckled and motioned to a broken down water purification unit he found, letting them know what to do if Souda managed to finish early, much to the mechanic’s complete obliviousness. 

With that Hinata, set off, with the goal of getting them some more variety in the food they consumed. Having recovered faster than his peers, he wandered around the islands to stave off the boredom of sitting in a dark room, and instead explored his new surroundings. Which is what brought him to discovering the area he now stood in. 

A cliff, on the coast of the second island. Said cliff was just a few feet over the water level. It’ll go down later in the day, it was still early after all, the tide still high, to a few meters, but it was perfect. The water there was unlike the water at the beaches, it was reasonably deep, not shallow. There were few waves, and the water was calm, rather than choppy, especially in the little gouge in the cliff where the water pooled in, creating a basin of sorts. The (mostly) windless morning helped with the conditions. 

A good fishing spot. 

Especially for what he was planning for. 

Hinata came prepared, with the handmade lures he made with his friends over the past few days with scraps of old material they found. It was clear to see who made with lure, their personalities having blended into their handiwork. It was cute, if nothing else. Alongside that he had an old fishing pole and net from the miracle supermarket, as well as a container to store his catches. He’d clean them up later, alongside the others. 

Hinata was quick to figure out roughly how deep the ocean there was, and cast the cheap looking jigs down, and began fishing. It was a slow process, he had to jerk it around a bit, then wait a few seconds, as it floated motionlessly, reel in any of the slack, and then it was rise and repeat operation until he caught his prey, and then rinse and repeat again until they had enough for supper. 

The work was tiring and yet, rewarding all the same. 

The sun was fairly high up when he was done, and he trudged back slower, the journey harder from the fact that he has to carry his catches and equipment back and the sun’s hot rays weren’t helping either. 

While he was fishing, the remaining remnants had worked through their cleaning. Owari managed to locate a rather beaten up broom and _tried_ to sweep (emphasis on “tried”), achieving no progress until Kuzuryuu grumbled, stole the broom from her and swept the floor himself. 

Owari had absolutely no qualms with being relieved of sweeping duty. 

Sonia fetched water and some soapy thing she found, alongside a bucket and a sponge and got down to washing the floors once they were cleaned. Souda fixed the air conditioning unit roughly halfway through the process, the unit old, but durable with little actually needing fixing. Before he could voice his thoughts on the cleaning situation, Kuzuryuu let him know that they needed the water purification system fixed up asap. Souda, not fully distracted, instantly jumped onto the task when Kuzuryuu tacked on that everyone (Sonia included) would be very much appreciative of having a water purifier. 

God damn did it feel like a low blow using Sonia as a way to distract Souda, even if he was… obsessive with the lack of a better term with the aforementioned former princess. 

Work became much easier after, when the air-con was on and working. 

By the time Hinata returned, the lobby was swept, mopped and overall decently cleaned up and they were airing out the futons. He put the fishing stuff away, to deal with later and they had lunch. 

* * *

Throughout that day, Hinata was quick to learn what a bunch of dumbasses they were. For starters, almost no one could cook. Souda seemed to have _somehow_ lived off instant ramen and cafeteria foods. Souda’s kitchen knowledge seemed to revolve around knowing how to use a microwave and that’s it. Hinata also wasn’t sure if he even trusted Souda to boil water without _somehow_ burning it. 

An impressive feat, sure, but in the wrong direction. 

Owari had spent most of her life willing to put pretty much anything _remotely_ edible in her mouth, which was… concerning to say the least. (Also not the best idea, given her compromised immune system since she was _severely_ underweight.) Her enthusiasm was explosive too, to say the least, a fact that unfortunately, when it came to cooking, didn’t make up for her lack of knowledge; unless they were all willing to gamble and eat what would probably look like Failed Dish(?) items from RPGs and pray for no food poisoning. Even Komaeda with his luck in all its glory wouldn’t be able to avoid such a fate. 

(Hinata also found himself _not_ wanting to fix, or worse rebuild a kitchen, not with everything else going on, _dear god please he did not need more work.)_

Kuzuryuu never formally learned how to cook, but he picked up a few basic skills here and there. Not enough to cook, just enough to make it through, and definitely not enough if you wanted variety. More of the “emergency backup if anyone who can cook is suddenly unable to for some fucking reason” type of skill. 

Hinata was also _extremely_ concerned by Kuzuryuu’s complete and utter disregard for knife safety. Sure, he got it, yakuza and what not. But _still_. 

Sonia was the saving grace of the group. Somewhere along her (bizarre) kingdom’s expectations of a princess, culinary knowledge was one. It had to do something with the royal family making food for it’s staff every once in a while as a sign of appreciation. A nice tradition. When Sonia told him that she knew how to cook several different types of cuisines, Hinata nearly wept tears of joy. Just like everyone else, he’d (very visibly) cringe every time Souda called Sonia an angel, but in that moment there, he wholeheartedly agreed with Souda, not that he’d ever tell him. 

_(The fact that Souda had never noticed pretty much everyone cringing was both impressive and saddening)._

* * *

Tensions rose that evening. They all sat, eating okayu, seasoned with some spices Sonia found in Rocketpunch, with grilled squid, the one Hinata caught and cooked that day, when the worry and doubt began to materialize, take shape and take form. The unspoken question hung heavy over all their heads, evident in the silence of their shared meal, the only noise being the clink of spoons and chopsticks against their dishes, chewing (louder from some than others), and the cackle of the dry firewood as it broke in the fire between them all. 

The glow of the campfire and the sunset was beautiful, but no one paid it any mind. Their minds were all elsewhere, far, far away. 

Everyone was so lost in their heads, no one noticed Owari, a mere meter away from her furthest companion, shoveling a concerning amount of food into her mouth at a concerning pace. It was only when she abruptly stood up, shook, and made it a few meters away and ducked behind the building did they notice what was going on, and the unmistakable sound of retching only solidified their fears and suspicions. 

Hinata immediately abandoned what was left of his meal as he rushed to her, grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler on his way. 

Owari looked… broken, from her crumpled posture to the way her whole body shook as she heaved deep breaths in and out of her lungs, along with choked sobs as the first of tears formed in the corners of her eyes. It was the first time Hinata had seen Owari so raw, so vulnerable. 

Hinata remembered, back in the simulation, in the rare moments when he caught her in her glimpses of fear, she’d act out aggressively, afraid to show fear. Because to her, fear was weakness. 

_And she was not weak._

He also remembered that whenever she was stressed or worried, (something even plain old reserve course Hinata could piece together), she would eat. Her normally insatiable hunger would increase ten-fold and her stomach would be more comparable to a black hole abyss than it would to a human stomach. Food was her source of comfort. A comfort she had lost. 

“Ha… Hajiji,” she choked out amidst her tears and sobs, coughing slightly every now and then “I… can’t, I can’t eat…”

He hugged her, despite the stench of vomit that clung to her like a leech and made him want to bolt, the smell much stronger to him with his enhanced senses. She clung to him, an action so unlike her it was jarring, but Owari had no energy left to fight her fears anymore, so she seeked comfort instead. 

“I know.” It was all he could say, acknowledge the fact. “It’s okay. It’ll get better slowly.”

“I’m not weak…” he could hear her mumble into his chest as she gripped onto him as if he was a lifeline, “I… I’m not weak… I’m not… weak…” She repeated the words, mumbling them weakly, like a mantra that if she stopped saying, even for a second, she’d die, or even worse, it would be true. 

“No, you’re not weak.” Hinata found himself whispering back to her, he voice much softer than his usual harshness and equally as quiet as hers. “You’ve never been weak.”

Owari quieted for a second, and Hinata continued. 

“You’re not weak if you’re scared. We’re all scared, Owari. I’m scared too. It’s normal to be scared when everything’s unknown and nothings in your control. It doesn’t make you weak.”

Owari didn’t reply. She probably didn’t agree either, but she didn’t fight him on the issue. 

They sat there together for a few minutes in silence as Owari calmed down. 

Hinata uncapped the bottle of water, and passed it to her. “Here, this can help get the taste out of your mouth, and calm your stomach a bit.” Owari took it silently, and swigged from it. 

“Thanks,” she said, quiet for her, but louder than her previous tone. “You tell anyone of this, and Imma punch you half to death.”

Hinata withheld mentioning that everyone probably knew what happened, or that Owari couldn’t beat _anyone_ anywhere _near_ death, nor would she be able to beat him anywhere _remotely_ near death (anymore) _even_ if she was in peak performance. He instead gave her a soft, yet sincere smile, relieved she was coming back to herself.

“Of course I won’t.”

She grinned back.

“Thanks Hajiji.”

They sat together in a comfortable silence for a few more minutes, before rejoining the others. No one said a word on the matter. 

* * *

“So… what now?” 

The question they were all avoiding asking surfaced from Souda. A man with little tact or patience. 

_(If Koizumi were there, she definitely would have a few choice words for him.)_

But it was good the question was asked. It was like ripping off a band-aid, painful, but sometimes necessary. 

After all, as they say the first step is often the hardest. 

They were sitting on the boardwalk, watching the sunset and chatting idly, just outside the cottages that were… worse for wear to put it mildly. One was falling apart, the roof caved in slightly. 

_(Hinata was fairly sure that in the simulation, that cottage would have belonged to Komaeda.)_

Hinata _hums_ as he gets up, walking to the nearest cottage (his in the simulation, his brain supplied) and gestures to rest to follow. 

The wood creaks under their feet, but they follow nonetheless. Inside the cottage, Hinata stared at the wall, the tacky peeling wallpaper, the mould that grew in the crevices and cracks, almost as if analysing, searching for something, before he walked over to the corner, and in one quick motion, he grabbed the corner of the wallpaper and tore it off. Most of the wallpaper comes off clean, in one go, leaving only bits and pieces here and there. 

“We burn the forest down.”

Hinata was met with four extremely confused faces, so he sighed, exasperated (as he often was) and continued his explanation.

“We burn the forest down, to ashes and nothingness. Burn it, burn everything down and start anew. Fertilise the ground and build from there up. Destroy everything we don’t need and build stronger, better. Build the future we want with no limitations and no restrictions. It’s a bit funny I guess, but you can find hope in the most unlikely of places.” 

The silence afterwards was hopeful, encouraging. Or it was, for a moment, until Souda broke it. 

“Uhhh, that’s cool and all, but what does that mean?”

Hinata stutters, confidence immediately replaced with awkwardness. 

The sound of Kuzuryuu smacking his forehead echoed throughout the island. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch me subconsciously amalgamate a handful and a half of fanfics I read into my own. Lowkey upset that I did a lot of research on fishing + cleaning squids but was unable to fit in the latter into the chapter. Y’all are loved and thank you so damn much for everyone’s continued support it means so much for me. <3 go take care of yourselves and drink water or smth
> 
> Next chapter is done so this will be a double post if my executive dysfunction has mercy on me 
> 
> \- Whale
> 
> Boy Scouts: I mean a more realistic talent than SHSL Neurologist or whatever, and considering the age of HPA, some of the older scouted talents couldn’t have bern as technologically dependent. Also I did scouting and it’s cool and really good set of skills to have to survive in unfortunate circumstances. Scouting’s a pretty global thing also. The title is Boy Scout simply for the sake of a) clarity, b) historical context (scouting started off as a more male-aligned movement, though here we have Scouts (all genders) and Guides (female)), and c) given Sonia’s talent, gendered talents do seem to exist in DR. 
> 
> Bridges: I know canon said no bridges, but I say they got built after those pamphlets were printed, but in the most eco-friendly was possible. It just makes more sense than a ferry now that the islands are no longer a tourist trap. 
> 
> Geography: All canon says is Jabberwock is “somewhere in the pacific”, and “a paradise of everlasting summer with natural beauty”, so I did some research and threw it somewhere in the South Pacific around the French Polynesia Islands/Fiji/Cook Islands area. The climate, agriculture, fauna, marine life, etc. are of that area with some exceptions for inconsistencies bc I’m dumb. 
> 
> Failed Dish: Callback specifically to my nostalgia playing the Rune Factory Series. Good times, can’t wait for RF5 to come out. 
> 
> Songs:  
> \- Devil Town - Cavetown  
> \- Baby You’re a Haunted House - Gerard Way  
> \- Turn off the Lights - Panic! At the Disco


	5. We weep, for that’s all we can do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cry as if it’s all you know how to do, your tears might be poison but it’s all you’ve got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:  
> - **Graphic depictions of violence**  
>  \- Panic Attack
> 
> (The violence/blood + gore is pretty close to canon-type (and honestly there’s so little that _hasn’t_ happened in canon :p) but, if this chapter is not for you, don’t worry, there will be a TL:DR for this chapter in the next chapter’s notes)

The sky was red, as far as the eye could see. A deep crimson, tainted in a sickening shade of blood red. He looked around, and there was only destruction and disaster as far as the eye could see. Smoke billowed from the debris of the disaster that had occurred and there was the unmistakable strong tang of blood in the air. The smell of iron was so strong it burned his nostrils every time he inhaled. Bodies littered the streets a dime a dozen like trash in a college boys’ dorm room. Buildings were in disarray, some destroyed, blown apart by bombs, others being the unfortunate victims of collateral damage. 

The scenery _(could you even call it that?)_ could only be described in a single word.

Despair. 

Pure unfiltered despair. 

Hinata wanted to run, to escape, to leave whatever this horrid place was. And yet, his body did not move, did not run away, just stood where it stood. Observing, taking in the madness but not reacting even in the slightest. 

_Why was he just standing there?_

He wasn’t frozen in place, there was no fear, no tension in the body. The body simply existed in the midst of the chaos, as if he was nothing more than a footnote in a chapter, an observer, detached from the madness.

There was a mechanical whirr somewhere in the background. The telltale sound of the cursed anthropomorphic automatons known as Monokumas. If he listened closely he could even hear the trademark _upupupu~_ laugh with the seldom _nyuk nyuk nyuk_ echoing through the barren streets and sending shivers of fear, disgust and despair down the backs of everyone unfortunate enough to hear the monochromatic bear nightmare.

An explosion came from behind him, slightly to his left and only then he turned. The force of the blast was enough to ruffle his hair and—

_wait, his… hair?_

It was then he heard a giggle. 

The giggle was electrifying in the way that it was absolutely terrifying. Bonechilling. Even though he had apparently _somehow_ not reacted to any of the surrounding mayhem, the sound still sent shivers down his spine, as if the action itself was completely uncontrollable, a biological response that even _he_ could not avoid. 

“Soooooo, what do you think, Izuru-kun~?”

The voice that followed was a purr, dripping with sweetness, as saccharine as it was poison, and even more chilling than the giggle he had heard seconds ago. 

He didn’t even need to turn to know who it was. 

  
  


**_H̶̢̙̼̳̥̦̩̠̹͓̘̣̼̫̤̬̮̲͈̜̠̩̩͍͓̳̼͕̬̲͔͒̌͂́̊̂̐̋̃̒̈̎̍̋̋̀͝ę̷̥͇̤̹̤̥̙̮̯̪̭̱̫̯̦̩͉̮͇̬̽̈́̚͜r̸̡̢̢̰̟̪̻͇̣͙̦̙̦̗̰͚͖͉͚̐̽͌̇͒̔͊̽͑̓͆̐̓̇̅̕͘͘͝͠._ **

8

  
  
  
  
  


  
“Enoshima-san.”

The greeting was polite, yet short and blunt. Monotone, with no trace of warmth. A greeting that solely existed to be just that. A greeting. An acknowledgment of another person. There was no warmth nor hatred in the voice, the name could’ve come out of a textbook reading from how bland it sounded. 

And it was in his own voice, that all the same sounded alien to him

And it was then that everything clicked for Hinata. 

Why he couldn’t move and why he felt like a stranger in his(?) own body. Why the world, why everything was on fire, and yet, he paid it no mind. Why he had hair that flowed and cascaded behind him when he moved. Why everything felt so weird and so unreal, like he was watching a movie from someone else’s perspective. 

Why it was so surreal, but in all the same, so real.

He wasn’t Hinata Hajime. This was _Kamukura Izuru._

“Awwwwwww~” the sickeningly sweet voice continued in it’s now faux depressiveness, and he could almost hear the pout in the tone. “Don’t be soooooooo cold Izuru-kun, I thought we were on a given name basis now.”

“We are on no such terms. That was something you decided entirely on your own.”

Hinata had to (somewhat begrudgingly, definitely not because of how he felt towards Enoshima, but because he _really_ didn’t want to agree with Kamukura) agree with Kamukura on the matter. The whole matter was disgusting. Though, if he were there instead, his response would have involved a lot more swearing, and yelling. 

The she-devil continued as if Kamukura had not responded, suddenly taking a much more serious tone, as she draped herself over Kamukura. 

Hinata shivered in disgust. 

“Sooooooo, what do you think, pretty boy~? Doesn’t despair just get your blood pumping, your heart racing, your knees weak and heavy? Doesn’t it just fill you up with ecstasy?” 

Her voice shifted constantly through her speech, turning flirty suddenly, then manic, almost like how a crazed fangirl might react over seeing her favourite boy band members up close, with a slight rabid edge to it. 

“Get off of me.”

Enoshima only slouched, dropping her weight onto the man, draping herself even more upon him like how a tired cat might. The woman had little, _if any,_ concept of personal space. She just did whatever she pleased, others be damned. If they suffered, it’d only bring her joy, motivate her further, like the fucking sadistic bitch she was. Her nails, perfectly manicured and sharp, despite it being the _middle of the goddamn apocalypse_ , dug into Kamukura, like claws sinking into prey. She leaned in close, and cooed into his ear, her breath fanning over the it. “My question, Izuru-kun~”

Hinata felt sick, sicker than he had ever felt. 

Kamukura grabbed her by her collar, and flung her away from him, clearly having enough of her nonsense. Like a cat, she landed on her feet, despite wearing heels longer than her fingers. She stalked back to him, unmoved, by his actions.

She wanted the answer to her question and she was going to get it. 

That was another thing about Enoshima. You couldn’t keep her waiting. Keeping her waiting meant testing her patience, as losing all chances of mercy, as nonexistent as they already were. Keeping her waiting meant she got bored, unpredictable, as she’d always get when she was in her mood swings. 

“Well,” Kamukura began slowly, just as monotone and inhumane as he always spoke, “I do not yet have enough data to draw any conclusions.”

Enoshima’s face split into a cheshire grin, malicious and crooked. “Weeeeeeeeell then darling, you are going to adore the surprise I got for you.”

“You tied up a couple dozen people and held them hostage in a building full of explosives, didn’t you.”

It came out not as a question, but as a statement. Exactly what you’d expect from Kamukura, someone who always knew the answers.

Enoshima shifts personas yet again, as she answers “Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Are you sure you didn’t cheat, Izuru-kun~?”

Kamukura didn’t react at all, clearly not amused by the madwoman's antics. 

_(Kamukura was never really amused, but that’s besides the point.)_

“Buuuuut wait, there’s more!” her demeanour changed yet again, and Hinata could feel a headache forming from these constant switches. She pulled a small object from her cleavage and pressed it into Kamukura’s palm, pushing his second hand over it, patting it as she did. Hinata felt sickened by the fact that he could still feel the residual warmth emanating from the small object, a remote as he could now feel it. “I saved the honours for you, Izuru-kun~! Aren’t I just sooooooooooo generous?” 

Kamukura said nothing. There’s no point in arguing with someone who’s uninterested in hearing anything but their own point of view. 

She continued to maneuver his hands, and Hinata could feel himself growing sick as Enoshima whispered a soft “Boop!” and the button on the remote was pressed with a soft click. 

Not even a half-second later, the building closest to them, an older apartment complex of sorts by the looks of it, exploded in a fury of bursts of energy. Light danced as it covered the structure and overpowered their senses, the sound that accompanied it just as intense. There was a display of pure power, a surge of thunder and cracks, as the detonations all rang out one after the other in quick succession. Any people, uninjured enough to run, and still sane, bolted away from the scene. 

Hinata wanted to run, to flee with them, away from this madness, but alas Kamukura did not, and Hinata was stuck in the moment, forced to watch everything unfold, as Kamukura didn’t budge an inch as he analyzed the disaster before him. 

_(Neither Kamukura nor Enoshima could be classified as anything remotely sane.)_

Shrapnel flew in all directions, bits and pieces of the explosives, chunks of the building that were shot out by force and… corpses. Parts of bodies. An arm fell into a tree slightly south-west from the building, the dried tree had caught flame from the heat of the explosion, turning into some sick campfire cookware. A disfigured head landed nearby just a meter or two in front of him. Kamukura looked away from the massacre at the head. 

The features still showed the expression it wore before its demise. 

Fear. Panic. Struggle. 

_Despair._

* * *

Hinata woke up, drenched in sweat and breathing hard. It was too hot, but it wasn’t the tropical climate, it was him. He was in hell, he must’ve been, it felt like he was in a land of lava and brimstone. His past was bubbling in him, he could still smell the ash and the burning flesh, the metallic tang of blood and the burning hair; it was all he could feel in mouth and he _hated_ it. 

It would haunt him forever. He knew he’d never forget it. 

He had to get out, get away from everyone, and he clambered up with such a rush that he was no longer himself, he was a frightened child in the midst of a pitch black forest with a monster, some unimaginable creature hot on his tail and all he could do was run. 

It was all he could do, and in his primal instincts of fear, flight was the option his brain went with. He needed to run. It wasn’t safe, he needed to get safe. 

It was easier to breathe when he got outside, but he kept going. Kept running. He had to. Past the worn down cottages and past the rusted gate. He ran to the beach he often found himself gravitating to for comfort, back when they were in the simulation. It looked similar, just less upkept and wilder, more wild fauna all around. More natural. 

It took a moment to catch his breath, from the panic of the nightmare (memory?), from the rush of having sprinted here in one go, from everything that was going on right then and there. 

He had to say something.

“...I’m sorry.” 

The words bubbled in his throat and the next thing he knew they were a waterfall, cascading up and out from his mouth. 

Unstoppable. 

It was all he could do, was weep and cry and choke on his emotions. And apologize. To whom, he didn’t know. He just had to apologize. Sorries spilled out his throat like a mantra, only broken apart by hiccups and sobs and tears and snot. His heart was lead and his lungs on fire. Pain and guilt and shame crashed throughout his body, as numbness overtook his brain. 

_How could he have done all that?_

_And not have felt something?_

_Anything?_

Dear god, he was a monster. 

Kamukura’s name was suddenly poison. An acid that burned deep in his skull, a bitter tang of cyanide, and it _hurt_. It hurt that it was him. It hurt that he did all that. It just hurt. There was a calamity in his mind, a toxicity that made him want to throw up everytime he got reminded of events forgotten and yet he knew and he dreaded what was yet to come. 

And on that train of thought, the next thing he knew, he opened his mouth, and spilled his guts, and his supper was suddenly in the sand. 

He didn’t feel better when a particularly strong wave came by and swept up the remains of his last meal, the chunky gross colour slowly dissolving into the sea. 

Everywhere he looked, flashes would come back to him. The palm tree shifted into the dried burning tree, and the cliffs in the distance shifted into the rubble from the buildings. The crickets chirping in the distance sounded like **_h̵̩̽͆̆e̶̡͎͝ŗ̴̫͚͠_ ** sickening _sickening_ giggles. 

There was no escape. He woke up, and yet, the nightmare continued. 

He felt like he needed to scream, needed to yell, but nothing would come out. His throat was dried out from his crying, and he had no energy left. The adrenaline left him, leaving him with a numb, empty feeling. 

Hinata did not get much sleep that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mom’s spaghetti.
> 
> Not much to say, but since this chapter is darker than the norm, just an emphasis that you are not alone, you’re loved and please remember to take care of yourselves. 
> 
> (also I accidentally posted instead of saving the draft so whoever sees this Ao3 seems to hate cooperating with the glitchy text and I’m tryna fix it update: it won’t listen to me, and I gave up.)
> 
> \- Whale
> 
> Songs:  
> Devil Within - Digital Daggers  
> Control - Halsey  
> Sarcasm - Get Scared  
> Rainbow Factory - WoodenToaster (MLP Fansong)


	6. Progress isn’t a Straight Line, Nothing Ever is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It might not feel like it, but everything you do, every little thing counts for something. A bad day does not define you or cancel your progress, it is simply that, a bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> \- Depiction of Eating Disorder (with in-universe advice that was written by a non medical professional and should not be taken seriously, see end notes for more info)  
> \- Lot’s of “...”’s bc the author used them to represent static while still being able to understand everything, idk its a bit cringe bro  
> \- The distorted/glitchy line may be hard to read, it’ll be at the very bottom of this chapter’s notes
> 
> (Last chapter”s tl;dr for those who skipped it, Hinata had a nightmare from the days of the tragedy, as he basically observed in first person an event that happened with Kamukura and Enoshima)

Hinata was quick to get used to waking up at the crack of dawn, or earlier. He’d hole himself up in his makeshift workshop (currently a cleared out corner of Rocketpunch with a low desk and a stool, as not much is cleaned out yet and it’s much more convenient to work close by) and work away a few hours until the rest of them would wake up, fighting his nightmares, an (almost) nightly occurrence with working on one of the many tasks he had left to do. 

There was always so much to do, and while they had all the time in the world, it certainly didn’t feel like it. Hinata felt responsible to atone to fix what he had done. Guilt, shame, and dread followed him like ghosts, whispering to him any second he was awake and dared to let his mind wander. So he drowned himself in his work and coffee, from an old coffee machine he scavenged and fixed up, sitting to his left in his “workshop”, and the fully intact bag of coffee beans he found under a fallen shelf in Rocketpunch. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism, he knew as much, but it was his way of coping. 

_(He was grateful that Kamukura’s body let him stay up longer without the need for nearly as much sleep. He was still recovering, so he still needed a lot of rest in comparison, but compared to your average person, consistent sleep wasn’t as necessary.)_

The telltale signs of deep bags under his eyes gave him away to the others, his problems unfortunately (for Hinata) obvious and visible like an open book. 

Not one to beat around the bush, Kuzuryuu gave up and confronted Hinata head on. 

“What the fuck is going on here.”

Hinata blinked, and checked the time on the old digital clock he scavenged up. 4:13 a.m. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?”

“I could ask you the exact same thing.”

Goddamn, stubbornness is a lot more annoying when it’s used against you rather than by you. Hinata didn’t answer, he just stared at Kuzuryuu. Perhaps it was childish, but. Fuck it, honestly. 

Kuzuryuu sighed, obviously tired, but not just by Hinata’s bullfuckery. 

“Fine. I couldn’t sleep. Had a nightmare. Went on a walk. Saw the light was on.” Hinata blinked. It was obvious why Kuzuryuu was awake, but he didn’t expect the admission to come so easily. He doubted anything else would come out from him. Then again, this whole situation screamed ‘intervention’ from Kuzuryuu’s standpoint. Clearly he wasn’t giving more information when there was a bigger clusterfuck involved, said clusterfuck being Hinata. 

“Me too.” He admitted as well, resigned. It felt rude not to, after Kuzuryuu opened up a tad. 

“And how often do you pull this shit?” 

“Almost every night I guess.”

He ‘ _guessed’_ , the biggest lie, more like the overstatement of the century. 

“No shit, dumbass. That was rhetorical. Your eyebags are so deep I could hide a body in there.”

Hinata stiffened, the same nightmares he was trying to avoid, surfaced at the forefront of his mind. Kuzuryuu must have noticed, based on his reaction. “Shit. Sorry. Fuck, I’m not the best at this shit.”

Hinata let out a chuckle. Kuzuryuu gave him a small slanted smile in return, it lasted only for a second, but a long second nonetheless. 

“You better not pull this shit again, Hinata. Next time I catch you, until you get enough rest, I’m knocking you the fuck out myself. You do a lot for us, do something for your own goddamn self, you fucking martyr.”

“Got it”, Hinata replied, fondly. “But no promises.”

  
  


Hinata was unsure if Kuzuryuu talked to Sonia, and they were in kahoots now, or if he was just coincidentally unlucky, but she happened to catch him awake the next night. 

This time it was 6:12 a.m. At least the time was a _bit_ more reasonable. 

_Just a bit._

“Ah, Hinata-san. I see you’re up.”

“Oh… yeah.” He had been so caught up in his work, he hadn’t even heard her approach him. “I guess I am.” His admission was sheepish, the sort of tone you’d use when you got caught doing something you weren’t supposed to, the second time in a row, right after receiving a scoulding. The kind of a guilty elementary school student, who knew better, but caused trouble anyways. 

“Come with me, Hinata-san.”

Her tone was authoritative, coming off more of an order than a request. Hinata begrudgingly obliged, getting up, leaving the half finished work behind. 

_(A safety hazard, he prayed that neither Souda nor Owari would awaken and find his work. Souda would definitely play around with the project, and try to add whatever absurdity he could, given the resources (there was enough resources to build a rather shitty engine, if you’re crafty enough), and Owari could let her curiosity get the better of her and was too unpredictable to be left alone around it. Something may end up broken.)_

She led him back into the lobby, and up to the restaurant. The two of them maneuvered carefully in the dark, sidestepping and avoiding the erratic limbs. Owari was sprawled out in a really bizarre position, her arms and legs dangling out from under her futon as she snored away. Hinata could see drool coming out of her mouth. Souda was in a similar state, but he slept on his side rather than his back, spread out in one direction. Kuzuryuu was the only one who wasn’t a safety hazard, curled up in a ball within the confines of his futon. 

The scene was oddly peaceful, aside from the slight anxiety of having to maneuver through this makeshift obstacle course. Hinata highlighted his mental note of repairing the stairs that led directly to the restaurant’s balcony, as if this bizarre ritual would become a nightly thing. The wood had rotten and the steps were deemed a safety hazard until further notice, a discovery made by Souda and his hubris that the stairs were “totally fine”, despite Hinata telling him otherwise roughly seven times.

“Why are we here?” Hinata whispered as soon as they entered the dining area, far enough to not have to worry about walking up the others. He still followed Sonia, as she continued to the kitchen (quietly somehow, not a single piece of wood creaked under her feet) in even, graceful strides. 

“When I find it difficult to sleep,” she began, as she filled up and turned on the rather fancy water boiler. “I would usually find myself drinking tea. It helps me relax.” Now, finished with her task, she turned to Hinata, “I hope it may help you as well, it does not appear as you have been getting enough sleep lately.”

Hinata chuckled under his breath. “It’s that obvious huh.”

“If I may be so bold, Hinata-san, it appears that you have not slept in weeks, months even. You look like you are on the verge of collapsing any moment. I must admit, it is quite concerning. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we’re all worried about you Hinata-san.”

Guilt crashed into Hinata like an ice cold wave. 

She turned back to him, getting the teapot, tea leaves and two cups, and headed back to the samovar, preparing the tea. “Ah, my apologies, I forgot to ask.” she paused, halfway through her task. “Is lavender tea alright with you Hinata-san?”

Hinata snapped out of his guilt, and turned to her.

“Anything’s fine. Do you need any help, Sonia?”

“Ah, thank you for the offer, but I’m fine. I find the process to be relaxing.”

Hinata hummed in response, and instead traced the delicate designs engraved in the urn with his eyes. It truly was a beautiful artifact and they’ve been extremely lucky to have found it, intact and in the kitchen no less, it’s a pretty heavy item and Hinata had not yet recovered his full strength. 

Soon the tea was done, the cups (china ones at that, all with delicately painted flowers on the sides and bits of tarnished gold on the edges and handles) were filled with piping hot tea and the two of them sat in silence, slowly drinking their tea. The sleep was already helping Hinata relax, and the silence was comfortable, akin to a loving mother’s hug. 

He took the silence as an opportunity to look over the designs the cups had, Sonia’s a delicate bluebell, the flower an indigo, bordering on a royal blue. His, on the other hand, was a few edelweisses, the white contrasting greatly against the dark green leaves. How fitting, it was almost peculiar. 

“Would you like to talk about your woes, Hinata-san?” Sonia inquired, breaking the silence, her voice soft and compassionate.

There was a pause. An intake of breath, courage from Hinata’s end before he spoke. 

“...No… I don’t think I’m honestly ready to talk about it yet. But... thanks Sonia, this really helped.”

The smile emanating from Sonia was just as bright as the rising sun. 

* * *

  
  
Another issue came to light very quickly over the first few days, and it was the topic of Owari and her relationship with food, or rather, her lack of relationship in the same metaphor. 

Hinata began to notice, at mealtimes, Owari would subtly duck away. 

‘Subtle’ however, was not a word in Owari’s vocabulary.

Hinata followed her, and on the third time, intervened. 

“Owari.”

She tensed significantly and turned abruptly, relaxing slightly when she saw that it was only Hinata. “Hey there, Hajiji…” She tried to hide the remains of her meal with her body, probably subconsciously, and largely unsuccessfully, given how thin she was.

“Owari, I’m not dumb. I know what’s going on.”

Owari bit her lip, the dried skin cracked, and the action caused it to bleed slightly, balled her hands into fists, and curled in slightly on herself, but otherwise said nothing. She was in the defensive, choosing the fight in the fight or flight response to fear. 

Hinata knelt to her level. 

“Owari, please, listen to me. You can’t keep doing this, you’re only hurting yourself even more.”

She only shot him a glare, challenging him. Hinata sighed. 

“This, this isn’t healthy Owari. I want you to get better, but this isn’t the right way. You can’t just eat so much, you haven’t properly eaten in a long time and so your body sees food as a bad thing and that’s why you keep throwing up, especially because you eat so much. That’s not all either, constantly vomiting causes problems to your mouth, the acid decays your teeth, making them more sensitive, and can also cause gum disease. You can even cause lots of damage to your esophagus, even cause it to burst which would require surgery—“

“Shut up, Hajiji.” Owari ground those words out, her tone of pure rage, snapping him out of his medical speech _(thank you SHSL Psychiatrist),_ her whole form matching her tone. “Just shut up! I’m not weak, I can do this!” 

This clearly wasn’t the way to go. 

Owari’s anger was one of fear, of confusion. A way to lash out, to regain control, because everything felt like it was swirling just beyond reach and she just needed to grasp onto something, _anything_. 

Hinata took a moment to compose himself, redirect his train of thought. 

“Hey, Owari. I have an idea that might help.”

The gymnast didn’t calm down much, but her intense gaze showed that her attention was on Hinata, that she was at least listening so he continued.

“Try eating a little bit, just a little bit everyday, say six times a day, and when you get used to it, eat a bit more. Increase it slowly.”

Hinata could see Owari starting to protest so quickly he added on. 

“It’s like training, when you start learning new skills. You start with the basics, a little bit of the easy, even if it seems stupid, and add on, build onto it.”

“But I hate that, it’s so annoying. When I wanna do something, I just do it, ya know?”

Hinata sighed. This much was expected, however so it wasn’t all bad. At least Owari seemed to consider the option before tossing it aside. He could work with that. 

“I know. But sometimes we gotta do things the hard way to, and it makes us stronger. I’m sure Nidai told you something like that too, right? Besides, when he wakes up, I’m sure he’d rather see you healthy.”

“So if I do what you say, I’ll be even stronger when Coach wakes up, and can finally beat him in a fight??” 

_Well… no._

Hinata gave a small weak smile, “Not exactly, but… it’s a start, I guess?”

“Hell yea! Thanks Hajiji!

_(Hinata just hoped he wouldn’t regret this.)_

Using Nidai felt somewhat underhanded, but as long as he was the tinder and kindling and not the fuel, it was alright. 

It was progress, however small.

* * *

That evening, Hinata slipped into the room that housed the Neo World Program. There were others there, but he paid them no mind, the tragedy was still fresh and grieving is a normal part of coping. He too, probably should grieve, but he was never good at his emotions and he was scared that if he would, he just might break. 

He could not show any signs of weakness. 

He could not show any signs of weakness, because if he did, the dam would overflow and burst, the cracks would multiply and grow and splinter and shatter the glass that was he. 

He was their _leader_. 

He had to be strong. For them, if nothing else. 

He was the glue that held them together and sometimes it felt like he was all they had, and if he were to break, then what would happen next?

He didn’t want to think about it, even though a little voice in the back of his head nagged him that what he was doing was unhealthy. 

Hinata came down for a specific purpose, he approached the table, where he first saw Kirigiri and Togami, noting its tidiness, and slipped a key into the top desk drawer to pull out a laptop. Kirigiri had gone over with him how to contact them on one of their days together, before entrusting him with the key. Technology like this laptop, this high-tech and modern was hard to find (barring the Neo World Program that is), and could break easily if dropped. 

_(Or if makes contact with a fired-up Owari.)_

Right now it was all they’ve got, until they could bring more. 

If they could, that is, giving away one of the Future Foundation’s laptops wasn’t an easy thing to do, and Hinata hoped they’d find a way to explain the missing device with minimal consequences. Future Foundation would not be pleased if they discovered that the laptop was in the hands of the leader of the Remnants of Despair, especially their superhuman “leader”. 

Hinata packaged the device away, carefully and with one last look towards the pods, he left. 

That look was a mistake, it was a split second longer than he had intended, long enough to focus on one pod in particular, and a wave of sadness erupted from within him, and so he ran before any other feelings could catch up, he was unable to deal with them now. 

Hinata went to the hotel lobby, and up to the restaurant, grabbing a seat in the corner, and set up the computer, making coffee as it slowly powered on and came back to life. The coffee finished just soon enough so that when he got in and then got back to his spot, the laptop had just finished loading up. Hinata followed the directions Kirigiri had laid out to him, and within a few moments, he seemed to be connecting to a certain call. 

It rang for a minute before a voice came through, somewhat staticky, however. 

“Hello… Hello…. This is… Future Foundation. Branch… Number 14. Naegi… Makoto.”

The static was impacting the audio, but Hinata could make it out with a talent equipped. The video feed was non-existent, a no-brainer given the quality of the call. 

“Hey Naegi. It’s Hinata, can you hear me?”

“You’re… a bit… staticky… on my… end, but… yes I can… generally… hear you… alright… Hinata-san… I guess… the signal’s… pretty weak… considering… the distance?”

“Yea, it’s pretty bad here too, but I can make you out if I use a talent. Maybe we should make this conversation quick and I can look or get Souda to see if we can improve the signal somehow?”

Hinata heard a ghost of a chuckle before Naegi responded, “Sure!... We can… do that… Sorry… I’m… just surprised… you guys… called so… soon…”

Somewhat bored, (because what is there to do during a low-quality “business”(?) call?) traced his finger along the keypads, as he conversed with Naegi. “We’re not doing the best with food. We’ve got a lot of rice, some spices, and whatever fish are in the sea.” 

(Also some junk food that was apparently still edible, but he decided not to mention it.)

“There’s not much variety and we don’t have the resources to be self-sustaining yet. There’s a lot to do around the island so the place is liveable and working through some of the things we did or remember from the tragedy, and that aside, we’re lacking in manpower as well.”

Hinata could almost hear Naegi nod and write something down, the only barrier from actually hearing was the abysmal audio quality. “I see… Yea, that… makes sense…. I’m… going to… be on trial… for protecting… you guys… so I can’t… come but… let me check…. with my friends, Hinata-san… Do you… mind waiting… a minute?...”

“Nah go ahead.”

Hinata took a sip of his coffee, he prefered dark, so when making it, he used scoops to get less caffeine. It was pretty late and he was tired all things considered, and could at least try to sleep. He turned to the computer and carefully, as to not close or leave the call, fiddled with it, using his SHSL Analyst skill to see what he could find. 

_(It was his least favorite skill to use,_ ** _s̴̥̰̟̬̓͆̀͗͗i̴͇̥̬̋͊͒̏̀̈̓͛́͝͝n̷͙̪͈͈̒͐̄͌̕̕͜c̴̺̖̮̬͔̘̻̈e̵̷̢̨̛̗̙͎̘̗̩̒͌̅̊͒̔̃̈͐̑͗̚͠͝͝ į̵̛̦̬̟̼̯̯̪̪͈͐̚͜t̷̢̪̪͈̱̣͇̥̀͜ ̸̡̧̬͔̳̲̮̮̎̅̍̉̈́͛́̅͘ͅ w̸̢̥͎̬̹̠̭̜̝̣̎͐̀̏͑a̷͎̖̓̊s̵̶̡̩̩̜̗̝̖̟̺̼̑̈́͒̀̽͋̅̆̀͐͐̽̎͘͝ ḧ̶͍̱̺̬̹͇̖͕̬͑͜ȩ̸̢̡̹͔̹̟̟̊̑̒͘ŗ̷͉̳͙̼̲̙̥̼̱̺̃͆̒ş̶̦̼͔̘͙̋̈́̊̋̽̐̎̄͜͝_** **********_,_** _and luckily for him, he was already above average at analysis, but using the skill granted him superhuman analysis.)_

He disabled the talent and went over his findings. Hinata had found little that was useful, the device itself was plain, with minimal anything installed, nor downloaded, the technology itself rather plain too. There wasn’t much he could do to improve the call quality either, maybe if he took it apart and swapped some parts he could optimise its performance (given he can find said parts, most of the technology on the island seemed to date to the late 90’s, early 00’s.). 

“Hinata-san… I’m back… Are you there?...”

Ah, Naegi was back, perfect timing. “Yup, I’m here.”

“I’ve got… a friend… who’s going… out on… a mission… near you… we could… try to… stop by… and drop off food… on the way…”

“Thanks Naegi. Any produce would be great, if you have milk or eggs or meat, that’ll be highly appreciated too, we found some old fridges and Souda’s planning on fixing them up soon.”

“We’ll do… our best… Is there… anything else…. you might need urgently?....”

“Some spare clothes would be nice, towels and linen if possible, there’s some here, but aside from a few futons we’re currently using, the quality is… pretty shit. Cleaning supplies, we haven’t used much but we’ll be running through them fast, cleaning up, but I’d say we have enough for roughly a few weeks, if we only clean the essential areas. Some personal hygiene items would be great too.”

“Alright… I promise… we’ll get… whatever we can… They… should be… passing… by you… at roughly…. 9 a.m. on… Thursday.”

Hinata blinked. 

Right, the days of the week. 

Those exist _apparently_. 

What day was it? Then again, if Hinata had to guess, he’d probably get it right. 

“Is… today Monday, Naegi?”

“Oh!... Right I forgot… yea it’s Monday…. it’s the middle... of March but…. I can’t quite... remember... the date…”

“Don’t worry about it, Naegi, it doesn’t matter that much. We’ll look forward to seeing your friends in a few days. Thanks again, for everything. And good luck with your trial.”

“Thanks…. hopefully whatever… my talent is… will help… me out…. Take care…. guys!”

Naegi hung up, and Hinata finished his coffee, smiling. Naegi was just as nice and optimistic as he was when they first met in the real world. (His memories of Naegi from the simulation were quite blurred, but he did seem nice amidst those blurs.) Hinata stood up and stretched, yawning as he then gathered the laptop and left the dining hall, hoping he would be able to return the computer unnoticed, just in case, as it was their only form of (shitty but still) communication to the outside world. 

He was indeed lucky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I ramble, the night I dropped the last chapter, I hit over 1k hits account wide and 500 hits on this fic which is a big thing for me so I just wanna thank yall from the bottom of my heart for reading my little angsty piece of writing, thank you for all your kind messages, and just a reminder to look at @hope_zine on twitter for a really positive komaeda centric zine im in that’ll be releasing soon as well as if you wanna follow me elsewhere im @revletos literally everywhere (insta, tumblr, twitter, reddit, in order of how active i am) ok author notes time now
> 
> Me, writing this chapter: Ok so here’s a list of events (ig)?) I wanna cover and it’ll prolly be a long chapter. 
> 
> Now when I write shit, I’m super nonlinear, i.e. I wrote the first draft of the scene where pekoyama wakes up before I even finished Ch2, so I just have bits and pieces laying around, and when I was roughly halfway done through all my ideas, (Early afternoon Mar 8) I check the word count and it’s like double my average baby, so now we’re prolly gotta split it up into like 4 smaller chapters and the first one took a bit, but the ones after are def gonna be faster. the one after the next one’s almost done too. Anyways Whale here loves yall and shit, here’s the notes for this chapter.
> 
> -
> 
> Lavender - One of the types of teas that help with relaxing sleeping and anxiety, along with chamomile and peppermint as other examples. I went with lavender since lavender is commonly used in witchcraft, tied to the meanings of peace/sleep/purification/happiness/protection. 
> 
> Samovar - A (usually, or well, historically) metal tea urn, usually highly decorative, that originates from Russia and has since then spread across Eastern Europe and to the Middle East and India. Used for boiling water, making tea, and keeping the tea hot. The name from Russian quite literally translates to “self-brewer”. Just wanted to sprinkle in some other cultural stuff, especially play on Sonia’s more Western background. 
> 
> (Speaking of Russian, the chapter summary from Ch2 was in part a translation of a Russian proverb)
> 
> Flowers on mugs: Bluebells (Sonia’s) means humility + constancy and Edelweiss (Hinata’s) means courage + devotion, these meanings are most likely Victorian in origin. 
> 
> Hinata’s advice to Owari: this was advice my psychiatrist gave me when I was struggling with disordered eating (separate from an eating disorder), it is not medical advice, **I am not a doctor or medical professional by any means**. If you are struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating or anything, please seek out help from a professional.
> 
> Hypocrisy: Yes Hinata saying he couldn’t break down was hypocritical but aint we all hypocrites. Also it portrays how its easier to help others than yourself Ig
> 
> Darkness of coffee: In the whole dark/light roast has more caffeine debate, there’s a lot of misconceptions so I looked into it and dark blends are lighter per scoop, or smth so if you measure them in scoops, the light roast is more caffeinated, but if you measure by weight the dark roast is more caffeinated in comparison


	7. Do not mourn, for they are not dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Live your life to the fullest, so that when your loved ones return, you can surprise them with all the growth you earned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings:  
> \- Mention of Canon-Type Body Mutilation  
> \- Mention of possibility of destruction of valuable technology lol  
> \- Honestly the Chapter’s fairly mild, the end notes are worse (Explanation of Medical stuff, but not in too much depth)

It took some time, but Hinata was successful in finding some IV poles and bags, and brought them to those who were still under, to not only keep them alive, but to also minimize the physical damage the coma took on them. 

The program was meant to sustain their bodies for its duration, but now that it had technically ended, they needed more help keeping the remaining unconscious students somewhat stable in their health, and the sooner the better. 

They were in a form of statis, a temporal shape of unconsciousness, not quite alive, and yet, not quite dead. They simply existed, and that all there was to it. 

Hinata was sure he could bring them back. After all, they came back. 

He couldn't, wouldn't think about the possibility that he couldn’t. The doubt would only creep and fester until it overtook him then, so he busied himself with work to distract himself. Otherwise it’d manifest over him like a swarm of maggots, rearing their ugly heads, undead and inescapable and disgusting, rotten to the core. So Hinata worked. 

It was there he would find the others. At first it was fine, they mourned their loved ones and survivor’s guilt is a thing that exists. He’d notice the same people come back in and in and in time and time again, as if it was an obsession, an addiction. They were comparable to zombies, the ritual mindless, as if they were in a trance. And just like that, it became a problem. 

Another problem to the never ending list. Another problem to address. 

Such was the process known as recovery. 

It was an unfortunate reality, but the end promised to be worth the journey, so they proceeded. But back to the moment. 

* * *

Hinata was just setting up when he found the first of them, the most concerning one. Kuzuryuu. Having the least he could really do with his talent on the island, he oftentimes found himself gravitating towards the pods of their hibernating friends. To a specific one in particular, Pekoyama’s. 

Kuzuryuu became the personification of the proverb “you never know what you have until you lose it”. He had always been fond of Pekoyama, and always cherished her, but it was her death that made him realise just how much she meant for him. Her death changed Kuzuryuu, and he swore to not let her die in vain. He made amends, going as far as to slit his stomach in apology (not that big of a deal to him as it was to the others) since actions spoke louder than words, and he was not one to half ass anything, especially this, especially in Pekoyama’s honour. He had, for the first time for as long as he could remember, made friends, friends his own age no less (he wished he could count Pekoyama as a friend, but for that she needed to see him as her equal, not her master), and fuck, he survived the bullshit killing game. 

All the same, the whole time, he knew that if there was any opportunity, any possibility to bring Pekoyama back, he would do so without hesitation. He’d do anything to see her again. And now the opportunity to not only do that, but bring them all back (save Nanami, but she never really existed anyways), was there. And so he continued, to do his best, and to work with others, mentally reminding himself that every day was one day closer to seeing Pekoyama again. 

He’d stop at several other ones too. When he passed by Koizumi’s he’d simply stare in silence, just shy of a glare. There was a grudge he still kept, that lurked in the shadows, but with the slightest shade of guilt, near invisible, of having killed one of their own, buried in his subconscious. 

_(It was microscopic, a seed buried deep deep within him, not yet sprouted, but there nonetheless.)_

He wanted to see her again, to let her know just how much her actions hurt him, how much it tore him apart and see her feel his pain. 

When he was alone, he’d yell at Koizumi’s pod, grieving for his sister. Hinata once made the mistake of walking in on Kuzuryuu during his fit of rage, and had gotten his life threatened seven times before he escaped. He waited a good hour and then some before returning to the pod room.

* * *

Sonia, when she visited, (which also was very often) did so with poise, talking to Tanaka about the proceedings of the day and any events she found funny. But, occasionally Hinata caught glimpses of her breaking down, crying minutes into hours over his pod. 

Sonia would also visit the others, as expected of an ex-monarch. She had grown to learn to value all her people, even the lowlives and criminals, (hilariously enough, she ended up getting into true crime), but she was still human, with flaws and emotions. Her lip would slightly curl at Nidai’s pod. There was no resentment to be had, his sacrifice, along with Tanaka’s was indeed extremely noble, however it did not stop the feeling of emptiness that Nidai was in part the reason Tanaka was gone. She could not stop those feelings, even though she knew he bore no fault on the matter, so she’d apologise to the unconscious Nidai for her unfound resentment, and let him know she wished for him to recover soon so that they could have their dust settled soon. 

She’d stop at Koizumi’s pod and tell her of the beautiful scenery and moments that she hoped the latter would soon be able to capture. She’d stop at Mioda’s pod and tell tales of the songs she heard, hoping it would be of interest to the musician, were she awake. She’d stop at Hanamura’s pod and tell him how much she had enjoyed his cooking during their short time together. She’d stop at Sagishi’s pod and speak to him(?), letting him know that she wished to meet and get to know the real him. She stopped by everyone's pods with a little something, a little tidbit of positivity, before she would return to Tanaka’s and cry once more. 

* * *

Owari came in much less than the other two, much to the mercy of Hinata and all of the technology in the room. When she did though, she’d launch into storytelling, using her whole body as she recounted what she did to train and her victories to Nidai, unconscious in his pod. Nothing was broken (yet), but she did come close a few times, earning her a scolding from literally everyone else. (Souda, albeit irresponsible, was familiar enough with technology and how it can be fragile sometimes, as well as having strong feelings towards having it broken willy nilly.) All of this was a facade, a mask she used to hide how much she was crumbling inside. Nevertheless she was making progress, her eating habits followed Hinata’s advice, and while she was not gaining weight just yet, she was vomiting much less. 

* * *

Souda was the one face he never saw venture into the pods. Granted, Souda wasn’t particularly close to anyone. 

_(And he was banned from trying to play around with the Neo World Program’s hardware until Hinata had a chance to go through it, and ensure that nothing Souda would do would accidentally pull the plug on someone. Hinata was fairly sure that if anything happened to Pekoyama or Nidai, Souda would be beaten to death by Kuzuryuu or Owari respectively. If something had happened to Tanaka, Sonia would not murder him unlike the others, but she would never forgive him either. Hinata wanted everyone alive, they all deserved their second chances.)_

He, however, was still just as affected by everything as the others. In part, what affected him was the fact that he wasn’t close to anyone was in its own turn his poison. Souda busied himself, to not just escape the grief of their shared friends, but also to outrun the feelings of emptiness that was known as loneliness. The person he was closest to was probably Hinata, labelling the latter as his “soul bro”, but unlike him, Hinata seemed to be popular, well-liked by others, even by the more… mean ones, like Saionji and weirdly enough (maybe?) Komaeda. Then again, Souda didn’t know what was going on through the luckster’s head and he didn’t want to either, for all he knew Komaeda was a crazed lunatic who wanted to kill them all for whatever fucking reason, and on that note, Saionji was a bully, Hanamura was a creep, Koizumi was like a nagging mother, Sagishi was stuck up and withdrawn in the simulation as Togami, and yet Hinata had somhow gotten all of them to war, up to him. He wasn’t jealous. 

Not at all. 

Definitely not. 

His wandering thoughts definitely had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact he’d been unconsciously turning the screwdriver in his palm. 

Nuh-uh.

_(Souda definitely wasn’t jealous of Komaeda's attention to Hinata in particular, the former gave him the creeps. If Hinata wanted him, he could have the goddamn weirdo. As long as he wasn’t blowing anything up or wasn’t near him, he could deal. Maybe.)_

* * *

There was one pod Hinata in particular was avoiding, perhaps on a subconscious level, going as far as to walk the long way round to access the pods on the other side of it, but you can only procrastinate so much and when everyone in all the other pods were hooked up, there was only one pod to go to, so he mentally steeled himself and then, there he stood face to… face in a pod? with the human enigma himself. 

Komaeda Nagito. 

It was weird to look at him, he looked so similar and yet so different than what Hinata could remember from the simulation. Overall, there was not much difference, much like the others, he looked a bit less healthy, a bit dirtier, save a few key differences.

A set of bruises, almost like a ring decorated his neck, roughly at the bottom, varying from a murky purple to an auburn brown. There was also **_h̴̡͙̺̮̠͓́ȩ̷̠̞͔̇̃̍͂͠͝ͅr̵̛͖͙̰̗̼̀̆̓ ̸̡̨̱̗̮͐͝ͅḧ̷̲͚̖̻͇̝́̊ǎ̴̜͙͖̥͈̖͒͂͑n̶͍̩͗̆̇̌̽d̷̪̙͙̉͂͘,_ ** in the place of where his left hand was supposed to be. Hinata immediately looked away from the limb, choosing to look anywhere else, as he took a moment to breathe and calm his heart. Most of his body was covered, wearing the same clothes he wore in the simulation, the oversized green jacket he drowned in and skinny black jeans, and those stupid zipper shoes (who the fuck wears shoes with _zippers_?). The few parts of his remaining visible body, primarily around his collarbone, where his loose shirt exposed, teased at scars, but he was much too covered to tell for sure. 

_(Hinata was rather surprised by the fact that he had Enoshima’s hand. Not in the sense that he didn’t believe Komaeda, in a state of despair would do such a thing, but in the sense that amputation was very risky, and had high chances of death unless done properly. Something told him based on Komaeda’s tendency to distance himself from others, that it must have been self-inflicted. Komaeda was lucky to have avoided death, but if his memory served Hinata right, that wasn’t the first nor the second time.)_

His memories of the aforementioned man were hazy at best, some moments more memorable than others, but the feelings themselves were bright and vivid. 

Confusion, curiosity, annoyance, uneasiness, and a strange fondness that felt both very right and very wrong. 

They bubbled deep in him like lava, hot and immediate, and it was the breaking point in Hinata, the pressure of constantly keeping it finally became too much and overtook him, and the next thing he knew, his knees gave way from all the mental weight he carried on his shoulders and he found himself shedding tears next to the pod of the boy he had no idea how to feel about. 

Perhaps, whereas the others, his friends who were alive with him spent too much time grieving, he on the other hand, spent too little time grieving, and this could’ve been exactly what he needed. By the time his tears stopped flowing and he got back to the hotel lobby, exhaustion overtook him and he fell asleep. 

That night, for the first time since he started dreaming, his sleep was not plagued by nightmares, but rather dreamless. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gestures to writing* and this kids, is what we in the industry like to call hyperfixation *jazz hands*
> 
> Also can we get an f in chat that in the canon, pekoyama was basically just used to kickstart kuzuryuu’s character arc, her fte events were so precious, shes a cool character but its glossed over
> 
> if anything doesn’t make sense chalk it up to Hinata’s luck for plot convenience, or yell at me in the comments until I ret-con and fix it. 
> 
> Nanami: I’m on team “Nanami shouldn’t have been human in canon and that was just lazy writing for DR3”, especially since Nanami’s death technically isn’t even compliant to SDR2, where in Ch6. Naegi said that Enoshima turned into despair one by one by manipulation or smth. (I’m too busy to go and check, but I’ll update it exactly when I do, but I’m 100% sure it was said bc it really stood out to me after I watched DR3. Also, some elements and characters and events from DR3 may still be present, just not Human Nanami bc I found it to be stupid, lazy writing and even then in the scheme of the DR universe, somewhat unrealistic.
> 
> Kuzuryuu + Koizumi: Just to clarify, in case it was poorly worded, Kuzuryuu doesn’t _consciously_ feel guilty about her, it’s more so of foreshadowing, that I wanted to throw in, a goal as another issue to be resolved. 
> 
> Nidai: When it says it’s his fault, it was alluding to the fact that Nidai accepted Tanaka’s challenge, and either way their fates were sealed. 
> 
> Amputation: Amputation is actually a much bigger deal than media tends to flavour it, when done in a non-professional environment it’s very easy to die from blood loss, (you’d lose blood at an extreme rate (bc blood pressure) and can pass out in under a minute (bc blood does thing called carry oxygen in the body) and then its only little away from organ failure) and if you somehow survive that, infection is very easy to get. Also apocalypse complicates things, especially treatment and availability of sterility and medical/first aid equipment. (Yes, I did my research, ~~aka i found it accidentally researching writing injuries in general and then had to include it bc its not mentioned enough~~ ) Luckily for us, Komaeda has this thing called luck, that beyond the fourth wall, we call “plot armour”
> 
> Anyways THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND STUFF WITH THIS FIC HOLY SHIT, AND OBLIGATORY CHECK OUT @hope_zine ON TWITTER, I AND MANY V TALENTED PEOPLE ARE IN IT AND ITS GREAT also come follow me on social media (@revletos literally everywhere, im mostly active on insta tho) you can literally yeet yourself in my dms and slap me lol  
> I hope yall know yall are loved amd amazing ppl and next update will b very very soon, it is almost done, thanks for reading my rambling if you did, i love you even more and heres a hug ⊂((・▽・))⊃  
> \- Whale


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